Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Tunnel Voices

I made it through another day of work despite the fact that I still feel a degree of sickness from the flu. The massage I had last night exposed a few areas where I am obviously holding stress/illness and they were all calling to me as soon as I opened my eyes after a solid 8 hour sleep. My head felt so fuzzy, neck stiff and a very sharp pain between my shoulder blades. I took an Advil and started my day but my head has never cleared out all day and it was a struggle to stay at work. Every phone call seemed like I was talking into a tunnel. My energy is very bed early tonight.

Never heard from LM until almost 1 pm today and I guess it was a rude awakening to him when he realized he hadn't called me at all. He said he just couldn't get himself moving. We chatted a bit and reminded ourselves, once more, that this inertia is part of the healing for him. I was consoled knowing the PT person would be visiting this afternoon. Each time we talk, it seems like we just don't connect no matter how much we want to....both our brains are fuzzy and cell phones can make conversation halting.

It does sound like LM's day got a little better. He took two walks, had some phone conversations with friends and said he was eating a bit more than he has been. We just talked briefly, albeit in the "tunnel" again, and when I was ready to get off the phone, he told me that he had been thinking this morning about how nice it would be to sleep beside me! He misses that comfort, and of course, I do, too, and little does he know that now I am filled with tears at the thought of being beside each other. It is a very palpable ache. He also, brought up how much he wants to see Ms. G. and I know her sweet little purring being will bring him so much love when he can final visit us. Cat comfort is a special brand of love which we both understand and treasure. It will be awhile before this visit can happen but just knowing it is in LM's thoughts is enough for right now. The thread.....the thread, sometimes it can feel so thin, other times tighter than ever.

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