Life has been handing me a lot of adversity and challenges lately, and somedays I handle it well, and many days , not so well. Depression can get a grip on me and I stubbornly keep it to myself, maybe telling one daughter - poor girl - she is so far away and really can do nothing. I struggle and put on my game face daily, madly doing everything I know which works to lift me above the "rocks" and hold me steady. This photo which I took in Acadia National Park last year said a lot to me then and now it means even more. In talking with a person who often helps to guide me, I am reminded once again that I MUST reach out and ask for a hand of suport. She called me on always saying, I must handle this MYSELF. I need to step out of my self-imposed isolation, and believe that it is OK to reach out.
My close girlfriends have either moved or their lives have taken different turns and I find myself needing a kindred spirit, one I can just "be" with - a girlfriend. Hopefully, by just expressing this, I can draw some new friends into my life. This is an insular world here where I live. Almost all wealthy retired, and most activites are held during the day. Sure I have LM, but he cannot be what I am missing in my life. He can only be the frosting on my cake, and by the way, he certainly is that. We have magical dates every weekend, and we share everything. He is frequently giving me that hand up, and I do the same for him with great pleasure and gratitude. I also have amazing family...daughter, sisters, sisters-in-law, daughter-in-law, yet I feel so alone.
I have no idea where to begin in this search as many option of places to meet people with common interests are just not available to me. Even the Senior Center (eeek, did I really say that??) is not available to me as I am working full-time. Bookclubs at the library are held during the day. Yes, I could start my own....just do not even know where to start. This sounds whiney to me, but it is very real and just where I am.
I wonder how many other women feel this same way....and I also know that part of this is my own doing....there have been people who have reached out hands of friendship to me and I have been "too busy" etc. There is a bit of agoraphobia in me and I want to step beyond its bounds.
I know depression plays a role in all this, too. Finally I am opening up a little about it. The dialogue has started and maybe that is the hand I need to get me through the hard rocky surface I seem to have over and around me right now.