I know, I know, when life gives me a wall of bricks, I should just build something with them, move them around somehow recreate, but today the wall seems very solid and I feel lost and stifled. It will pass, I know it, and a lot is due to the fact that my poor body still feels sick. My head is not clear and I am tired. Dad had a crisis yesterday which cost poor SIL, Trish, a long very unpleasant afternoon and late evening in the emergency room which was filled with very sick people. Dad is now back at his place and resting and sounded Ok when I spoke with him. Trish said he is quite weak now and very diminished in his capabilities.
So the wall gets even higher and harder to dismantle when I visited LM at noon today. He is so fragile and he seems to just be huddled and silent and depressed. I know this is all part of the process he is in right now but it is tough to watch. We were able to spend a few minutes sitting together on the couch, touching a bit and he talked in a very hushed tone about things which are bothering him. We went to the computer and looked up the med he is on for cholesterol reduction and it causes many of the symptoms he has. He will have to talk with the Dr about this next week. He also seems to have no inclination to want to eat healthy foods. That is not my battle and I do not intend to wage it but it is frustrating. His body still seems to be super sensitive to touch and he flinches easily and just gathers himself in to a tight clutch and hunches over. So so hard to see. There were bright spots and he said he was very happy to have me close.
Hopefully, being with family tomorrow will be a good change of scene for me but at this moment I have no energy to even think about making small talk at a party, not to mention the long round trip. I will take LM's daughter, Kristi with me to the party tomorrow as she so much loves to be with family and the baby. On the way home I will visit Bob and LM again. Hopefully, the new path I plan to make with the bricks will be falling in to place.