I have written lots before about how much I love my job and the people I work with, and also how this job was a gift to me in 2004 when it was time to leave the public sector after 24 years. Working for such a fine company with people of such intergrity makes showing up each day a pleasure. The president and his wife have become dear freinds and the way they live their lives and care for each and every one of us in the company is the reason the firm is so successful and a model for many others.
Knowing what LM and I have been going through and also seeing how sick I have been with the flu, they came to me and insisted I go for a long healing massage as their guest. Tonight was the night and I am now home and feeling like I can fill my lungs with air for the first time in nearly 3 weeks. What a beautiful gift!
The gloom I had been feeling seemed to lift about mid-day today, coinciding with the return of my normal energy. This day was not without tension and worry, though. LM called me this morning and he asked if I thought he was depressed. I do indeed think he is depressed and it may partly be due to the new BP med but it is also predictable after this type of surgery. We talked a little about it but he is so scattered and cannot focus. I knew the VNA nurse would be visiting just after noon so I asked him to discuss his feelings with her. Before the nurse came, LM was taking a shower and he fell in the tub. I just felt so bad when he called to tell me that. Not what he needs right now. He is not eating much yet, and I know that goes along with where he is in recovery. He wants ice cream and lemon meringue pie!!! Not ideal for a recovering heart patient, I would say, but his regular appetite should return in a few weeks. Things seem very ragged in his recovery right now. I keep telling myself, and him, that each day he is improving in some small way, he just can't see or feel it yet, but it is happening despite us all. Bob is just wonderful and helpful in his caring and I know he is very concerned. I hope he will ask for help if he needs it.
The gift of the massage and the return of my energy feels so wonderful. Now I need to pray for patience to be able to get through the next weeks and months, to be flexible to LM's needs and do my part to keep the thread of our love taut without pulling too hard on LM. He needs a soft and gentle touch right now.
It felt like spring was in the air today.....almost 50 degrees and tonight we have a wonderful soft rain. Love it.
Ms. G is waiting for me to climb in bed. Sending much gratitude to everyone who has been so supportive, loving and caring throughout this time. You have afforded me a lot of ease and assurance.