So.........I should be cleaning, I should be baking the lemon pudding cake which I promised to bring Bob later, and I should be having a shower and making my self presentable (my landlord stopped by a few minutes ago and got to see the lovely vision I am unshowered with bed hair, etc)......SHOULD is the operative word here. My "slovenly" self just wants to be free of shoulds...I'll get to it all, I always do, but right now I am just wanting to write, mostly about nothing, but I just seldom have the time to just do what I want. Ms G is busy watching the heavy bird traffic at the feeder and following spots of sun around the house. What a life!
This week I've had a very amazing event take place. For over 40 years I have been missing my best friend from high school....off and on I would try to find her, to no avail, but she would frequently re-surface in my mind, and many places I have visited would remind me of times we shared. This was not an ordinary friend, this was someone who's friendship took me away from my little life as a farmgirl, we spent parts of two HS summers together with her family in the "big city" of Washington, DC. Her parents were foreign diplomats and it opened up a whole new world to me.
Thanks to cyber-space I have found her through a blog created by her nephew. There has been much writing back and forth and sharing our life experiences in the long span of time which separated our lives. My mind is spinning with the memories which are flooding back of my young years and hearing her life stories, as well. It is the greatest feeling, a gift!
In other news....I went over to LM's last night after work......OMG, he has such a mess to clean up in that house. When Bob was healthy, the house was in perfect order and now, how very quickly it became so filled with the needs of an invalid. I asked LM if he wanted my help getting it back in order but he said no, that he would get it done. The analyst in me says he is just not getting to it because he is depressed about what has happened with Bob, and with John going back to jail. He has thrown himself into writing letters in appeal for John and using those things to delay thinking about what is happening in his immediate life. Aren't we all guilty of those diversionary tactics??? Look at me this morning. Anyway, I got a royal greeting, a huge hug, and a "let's go see Bob, and then I am taking you to dinner."
Speaking of John, yesterday afternoon, LM was able to arrange a 3-way phone conversation so that I could speak to him along with John. John is doing as well as can be expected and I was very happy to hear that he has already signed up to complete his GED. He's been needing to do this. It was hopeful to hear those words. Maybe he needed to go back. Sad as it is. It is a very big strain for LM, though, as each week he must put money in an account for John, the phone privileges are very expensive and he makes two visits a week. More drain on what reserves LM has. Someday, I hope John will be able to see what a toll this has taken on his father. LM never complains, just does, and lovingly.
Bob's was moved to a local nursing home, into a crowded room with another man who clearly has Alzheimer's disease, and who has TV blaring continuously, as well as a loud oxygen machine. We have no answers about what the plan is for Bob so that poses more uncertainty. Now we have to wait until Monday to know more. Hospice we hope.
We shared a nice dinner but it is obvious that LM's mind is spinning out of control. After that, I went grocery shopping - just my least favorite thing to do at 9:30 pm after a glass of wine...knowing that LM then had to go back to the house, pack some clothes and other necessities for Bob and go back to the nursing home.
I know it is one of my "faults" that I cannot deal with too much clutter.....I mean, after all, I usually clean closets and drawers when I am stressed, but how do I stop taking on "the clutter" of Bob's illness....both physical and emotional? Truly, I could sweep into that house and have the whole thing in perfect order in one day!! But, not my job...I do know the drill....I need to just let go, pray for Bob to have comfort, as well as LM, do something positive for myself and let LM make the decisions which are best for him at the time.
So, LM claims he is coming to my house tonight, ostensibly because he misses sleeping with Ms G....
Lot's of thinking out loud here....I am now over and out. On to my tasks at hand.
Happy weekend.....tomorrow I will visit Baby Teddy....YUM!