Monday, February 18, 2008

Music to my Ears

After 6 hours of deep sleep I was preparing for my trek to the hospital this morning when my phone rang at wonderful to hear my LM say good morning, Love. Beautiful music to my ears. I arrived in Hyannis at 9 and found LM in his chair, free of the chest tube and having some breakfast....more music when I heard he had a great night's sleep, too. He had a very busy day today and some painful moments until about mid-afternoon. After breakfast he shaved and brushed his teeth on his own, and he worked with the occupational and physical therapists, and took a great walk! It was a lot and then they removed his pacemaker, and his large IV lines. He then had to return to bed and lay still for 2 straight hours which were painful hours as his throat was causing him a lot of pain and anxiety as he just could not swallow easily. Slowly he found some ease and then the nurse came to announce he was being moved to the surgical floor and a regular room. We packed up all his things and he walked to his new accomodations!! Great progress and he was quite delighted to settle in. I went for a long walk around the hospital while that was going on and when I came back he wanted to talk and go over the details of all that has happened, most especially, the night his heart stopped and he was brought back. That set off a torrent of sobs from me and I am still struggling to get a grip on my emotions. He gave me his heart pillow and told me to lay my head on it....very sweet, and he said it would be nice to have that pillow to hug tonight so he could feel close to me. After that his friend, Bob (with whom LM lives) came in and we discussed how Bob felt about caring for LM when he comes home which may be in a few days. I think it is fine with Bob and should be the perfect solution. I have to return to work tomorrow and it feels like jumping off a cliff to not be there all day but it is necessary and LM understands.
I think I will research how families cope with this type of trauma. I do not want to be stressing LM with my unchecked emotions yet I need to let them out. Very hard, so profound and I am most certain it is normal after such an event. I have so much support out there but I feel terribly alone in this. Very unusual feelings. Perhaps when I return to work and my incredible network of friends there, I will be able to center myself. My instincts tell me it is time to take very good care of myself and exercise now, and another good night's sleep will work wonders.
When I left this evening, LM was joking a bit and really smiling. A great feeling.
It is raining so hard here and very foggy. Strange February day as the temps were over 60 degrees.

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