Saturday, January 31, 2009


After a wonderful, very busy (and thankfully so!) day at work yesterday, I decided it would be better to just go to a movie by myself, than to sit home worrying about the state of things with Bob and LM. The theater is a mile from LM & Bob's house so I just had to stop there first and say hello. They had a tough day yesterday as Bob was scheduled for a PET Scan around noon and it was a long ordeal for him. It had been a week since I last saw them and I was shocked out of any words to see how near death Bob appears to be. Without the test results even back, it seems evident that Bob is not going to live much longer. LM and I had little chance for much more than a few hushed words, I hugged Bob and heard the few raspy words he could utter, and knew I needed to say good-bye and seek distraction before I cried all over the place. To this point, LM had not really faced the fact that Bob is near the end. Late last night he did - tearfully on the phone. LM is doing everything possible to keep him comfortable and see to all his needs. This all made me burst into tears and we talked about being pillars of strength for each other, etc. This pillar is cracking. I can only pray for ease to come to all of us. LM is shouldering an amazing amount of responsibility right now. No end of life arrangements have been made and the rush is on to get the attorney in to the house this morning to hear Bob's last wishes and to re-write a very out-date will, power of attorney. etc. All funeral and other arrangements will have to be made by us, too. I am hoping the VNA will suggest hospice to LM today. He is very overburdened right now. Painful for me to see. I want to be of more physical help but it is too confusing for too many people to be there. LM escapes to my voice on the phone when he needs respite, but he needs more than that. I've never seen anything like the calm, loving way he goes about each chore with Bob. LOVE!

Meanwhile, life goes on for me and I am headed off-Cape this morning with several stops along the way. First will be a brief stop to see baby Teddy and his parents, then to visit Dad. I have not seen him since Christmas Eve! He sounded great when we talked yesterday and we will have lunch in his dining room today. I need to fix his telephone answering machine among other things. After that will be shopping for some food staples, and then a stop to drop some things off to my friend, Sue in Sandwich.

Bob's whispered words to me last night involved me making him one more apple pie. He loves my pies. I will do that this evening, having made the pie crust dough at 4:30 am, I just need to prepare the apples and do the baking.

There is peace in the rhythm of baking. No wonder my mother was always in the kitchen!

PS.....Sat 6:30 am......just looked out the window to see that everything is covered in a beautiful fluffy snow!! What a nice gift. I do love new snow and the way it can put a beautiful dress on the dreariest of days. There was a silver sliver of a moon, brilliant in the winter sky just above Venus last night as I left Bob's house for the movie theater. After the movie the sliver was a deep golden/orange color, low in the western sky. Such beauty everywhere. Therein lies the balance nature provides.


islaygirl said...

Praying for peace for you and LM, and especially Bob. He is so blessed to have you and LM.

Beverly said...

I do feel for all you are going through. I hope for peace for Bob and LM.