Sunday, March 1, 2009

From the Swirling Vortex

There's lots of swirling going on around here, mostly my emotions, Dad's condition and today, the weather. Unable to sleep all night, I did some writing about Dad from 2-5 am, then began to get myself ready to start the day and decide whether I should drive the 2 hours to S. Weymouth in the swirling snow. By 7 am I was on the road. I could not stay away. Having called his nurse, I knew he had been awake for a little bit this morning and been told I called. He was thinking I was still there. She said he was peaceful and comfort care has begun. My drive was a blur, and a battle to stay focused as the roads were terrible. As I got within 1/2 hour of the hospital, I was struggling so to stay awake that I pulled in to a rest are and slept for 15 was handy, though. When I awoke, I was parked right next to a huge container collecting clothes for the needy.....perfect opportunity to get out and dispose of the two HUGE bags awaiting that purpose in the trunk of my car! Off I went on the rest of my journey.
I arrived to find Dad soundly sleeping, and he still seems to be struggling some. He wants to get up. There are alarms on the bed which bring staff running. They are really caring for him so nicely. He had just had a "bath" and a complete change of linens. I stayed for about three hours, quietly holding his hand and talking softly from time to time. One time I think he knew I was there. Once again, as the swirling storm intensified, I said good-bye to Dad and made the long trip home. Made a stop at Trader Joe's but had little interest in anything but the one item I needed there, my daily mid-morning treat, cashew butter.

I'm in a trance and so very tired. There were a lot of phone calls today and each one brings tears. All the other loved ones are hurting, as they are far away. It is all going the way it should and I assume the fact that I am still in a fairly functional state, means that everything is OK. When I arrived home, I fell into a deep sleep for over an hour, Ms G cuddled by my side, knowing, as she always does.
The second big storm of the day is beginning outside with heavy wind and more snow/rain/sleet.
Fits my mind right now.
LM is continuing to recover from his ordeal of the past weeks. He slept until nearly noon today, and he earned that luxury. Dear man.
The outpouring of love and support from my blog friends continues to be a gift of love that seems to be right there everytime I need it most. A very humble thank you! Who would have thought, when I began writing my day to day bits here, mostly for my family and a few friends to stay up on life here at home, that I would gather so many wonderful readers and new friends. Truly the universe does give us what we need when we need it.


Jeff- in the Berkshires said...

When my Mom died several years ago and we were holding her hands and at her side at the hospital I recall that out of nowhere this message came to me "it will be ok". I began to speak these words over and over almost as a mantra, as she left this world. Never has a message and feeling been so clear. I find it interesting that your dad used these same words to you.

We are all interconnected and it will be ok, not necessarily easy but in the end ok.

As I lit a candle this morning it was with you in mind. Sending thought of peace and rest.

amy in ct said...

thinking of you today, hoping that dad finds his peace and that you and lm and all your family make it thru this 'storm' ok.

i understand the swirling feeling, i have been there myself.

and what lovely reassurance from jeff in the berkshires too.

amazing how we all found each other thru a tragic event ...and still here we are together supporting one another.

wishing you peace this evening and always....
amy in ct

islaygirl said...

thinking of you and your family with very strong intention. much love.