Sunday, March 8, 2009

Freedom

A week ago at this time it was a raging storm outside, I was sitting in Dad's hospital room watching him struggle. He was restrained and very unhappy, although unable to communicate. He knew I was there. I struggled, too, to keep my emotions in check, to handle the many phone calls, and to have the strength to keep going. The days following brought an end to Dad's struggle, in fact they brought him peace in a calm setting, Bob by his side, Trish's love, too.

By Friday, two days after Dad died, I collapsed, as I wrote here. It felt so strange, but I slept and became free of the obsessive worry which had pervaded my life and sleep for so long.

Yesterday, I was still in a stupor as I forced myself to face the day and the tasks at hand. About mid-day, things began to ease out. I went to LM's house, did some wash and hung it out in the beautiful sunshine to dry, and then took daughter, Sara, to have her hair cut. While she was in the salon, I took a lovely walk. After that I returned to LM's house and in the peace there, I found my heart feeling so free. We laughed and when he left for several hours, I was able to sit with a clear mind and write what I will say at Dad's funeral on Friday. By the time LM returned, I had napped a little, folded all the wash, and we shared a nice dinner.

Today everything feels so much better, the sun is still shining, snow is melting away and the family is handling their plans to get home by Wed and Thurs for the observances. Dad would love it!

2 comments:

Anne said...

Happy tears for you, I can't wait to be with you and the family to celebrate the life of Didi. The memories are flooding back to me this weekend......most recently the times spent with him at the machine shop.

Happy Days said...

Marsha,

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow
I am the falling snow
I am the gentle shower of rain
I am the ripening fields of grain.
I am in the morning light
I am in the graceful rush of birds in circling flight
I am the star shine of the night
I am the bird that sings
I am in all lovely things
I am the flowers that bloom
I am the quiet in a room
I am the spirit in your heart
I am the spirit that comforts you
when it's dark
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there. I did not die.

Love, Dad

Will be thinking of you and your family this coming Friday...debbie