Saturday, March 7, 2009


Dental surgery was scheduled for 3 pm yesterday but it was cancelled at the last minute....rescheduled for Monday at 3:15.
I got home and sat down to have some long awaited nourishment when I was just simply broadsided by an exhaustion so deep that I could only briefly type LM a note to say I was going to bed, turn off my phone, and collapse on the bed. I do not think I have ever felt that way in my life. Here I am more than 12 hours later, just waking up and struggling to start a day which has a lot of "musts" in it. I have errands that have to get done today as there is no other free time between today and next week when the family begins to arrive and the observances for Dad are held.
I have no idea what happened. Has anyone else out there ever felt something like that? My body just shut down, and it still isn't too happy about moving this morning. I sit here with my green tea and a little piece of cheese (I do not feel like eating at all), listening to my favorite Saturday morning oldies radio which always perks me up and makes me want to move. Not even the promise of 50-60 degree temps and beautiful sunshine or seeing LM is urging my leaden legs to move.
I know I will eventually get out of the chair. After all, I am telling myself, if I can type, I can get up and do what must be done. We shall back later. Right now the argument in my head about what I can and cannot do is raging!


Jeff- in the Berkshires said...

Good that the surgery was canceled. It sounds like your body is trying to tell you something, has probably been trying to speak to you and now has decided to give you a wack to listen.

Take care of your self!!!! Heed its message!

Think of the list of things that have been going on with you over the past while. Any one of them is a lot to get through let alone one thing after another or actually several things simultaneously.

Get up and connect some with nature this weekend. Walk on the beach and breath in the air. That seems to be where you can recharge. Drink tea and rest.

Time also to tell the family this is not like other visits and you can't be the hostess that you might be at another time or that you would like to be. Time also to tell yourself that. Chop that list in pieces and do what is absolutely necessary and nothing more.

Your family will understand and pick up the slack and fill in the pieces where necessary. Let them cook, let them clean, let them shop. They'd be doing it at home anyways and know they will be helping you rest.

Friends will cope and it is no disrespect to your dad if things aren't perfect and the way you might want them. You have already said, he knew how this felt. In the end it will be perfect because it is those unplanned out of the ordinary things that happen that end up meaning the most to a family and the memories that end up being held so dearly.

You need to lay low and rest and recharge.

Sorry to come off so hard and insensitive. I think you know I really am not. I have been there before and it is not a good place to be and I also was younger (sorry again don't mean to offend)

Your family is coming for you and to celebrate the life of your dad. Everything else is extra.

Off my soapbox.......

Take care.......really take care.


Anonymous said...

Jeff, what wonderful words you had to say to "Ms GraySea". You have a gift for words and great compassion. I wish I could do that. Everything you said to her was right on, just what I would have liked to have said, but could never had said it so well. I'm sure your words will help her. How can they not? Good Job! I have been visiting you thru her and enjoy your writings. Born sorta up your way in Connecticut and now transplanted to Wild & Wonderful West Virginia...debbie

One Woman's Journey said...

Marcia - All of Jeff's words please heed them. Everything he said is so true. I had an experience similar to yours when my mother passed away 8 years ago.
She was 83 and I was her main caregiver. Also something similar when I built my present home and moved to the city.
I understand. Please take care of yourself. It is time to be selfish.

Cape Cod Kitty said...

Good Evening you wonderful firneds....and I am ever so grateful for the recommendations and words of encouragement. I finally got it together and got out of the house today, slowly accomplishing what I could and then coming to LM's house where I am still. After taking my daughter to have her haircut, and taking a lovely walk, I had 3 hours of stillness and meditation, sewing, and time to write part of what I will say about Dad at the Memorial on Fri. Prior to today no words would come. I feel much better, have a list of things to delegate (all my sibs are chomping at the bit to be home and help) and things are set. I will still face the surgery on MOnday but it is not major. LM has been pampering me and showering me with love so tonight will be better.
Jeff, I didn't feel you were out of line at all! I thank you so much...Ernestine, thank you for telling me what happened when your mother helped to know it was not unusual, and know I will be OK, and Debbie, your poems and thoughts have meant so much and actually helped to open my thinking to be able to start writing this afternoon.
I love this "community"....there will be many more tears and times of stress but I am better prepared, and we are determined as a family to have a true celebration, as Dad would want it. Also helping is that LM seems to have moved past the funky place he was in, AND today was over 60 here with SUN.

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