Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Out of the Fog

As Dad continues to improve, for this second at least, I'm still climbing out of the blackness I was in on the weekend. Depression is dancing around somedays and completely enveloping me on others. The weekend was a good example of the dance. I was all over the place. It is so scary and there is a constant wrestling with ideas to get a handle on why this is happening to me....is it stress, so prolonged that I cannot seem to remember when it stops or starts, is it diet, exercise, a med I am taking???? Daily I try to adjust things, do everything I can to lift my spirits. Sunday, I was so low that I dragged myself through the day, even went for a 5.5 mile walk with LM and Kristi. After the walk I fell into a coma like sleep, got up and cooked the dinner which was postponed from Saturday, as LM got consumed by an issue with Kristi's, Social Security (very serious as the government is dunning her to the tune of 1000's of dollars a day) and never came over to have the planned evening. I was not able to sleep for one minute Sat night due to anxiety about Dad (I think). Sunday evening after dinner, I asked LM to go home so I could sleep....another fitful night and I awoke with extreme serious depression yesterday morning. Managed to get my self to work looking presentable but feeling like I needed to call someone for help. THEN, by 10:00 am, I felt FINE. The rest of the day was lovely. I am baffled as to why this is happening to me and can only think it must be biological. This morning is much better and I will just monitor things and see my Dr if it happens again.
On the bright side, as a result of LM's dogged pursuit of help for Kristi, a call has come from Senator Kerry's office and they are already petitioning for Kristi's records with SS and hope to solve the mystery of why our local office is doing nothing to help and WHY she is receiving threatening demands for money from SS which she does not owe. In fact, she is owed many $1000's of dollars for years of underpayment. One wonders how many other people, with no one to advocate for them, are being threatened in the same way. I commend LM for his calm determination on Kristi's behalf.
We've been having daily high humidity and t-storms and it is really dark....hoping to get for a walk to take photos of Chatham in full flora regalia. The roses are amazing this year already! Maybe this afternoon.

1 comment:

Darlene said...

I hear you
and understand
the weight you carry

you sound strong
and hopeful
a very good mind set

it takes true strength
to lift ourselves
out of fog
so thick

you are in my thoughs
and prayers

love to you,
xox darlene