Wednesday, October 14, 2009


I was not ready for the impact of the passing of Dad's birthday; just not ready at all. The effects linger, almost worse today, and I just want to be home. Home to do what, I do not know, but it feels like such a struggle to stay anywhere that I cannot cry openly.

Last night there were meaningful phone calls with friends and siblings, which brought me closer to the grief. Good, I guess, but it is one flame this moth wants to avoid, as it fears like I will crash and burn. Here I am, face on, counting the minutes. Really is it all I can do.

Meanwhile, there are friends and family who are in need of support, and LM and I are trying to unravel mysteries regarding artwork he has inherited from Bob's estate. Sort of fun, actually.

Tonight I move to my boss's house to stay for 6 days. Yup, I'm headed to the dogs in so many ways! The Fall colors are pretty over there. I think some focus on nature is in order.


Anonymous said...

I understand how you feel and there are really no words that can console you. Be brave, be patient...debbie

Poppy said...

Sending warm thoughts and hugs your way. I identify with the struggle to not cry when you aren't able to give into the tears.

The one public place I feel comfortable letting go is in church. I've cried practically every Sunday since last December. Sometimes the tears well up but don't spill and other times it's a virtual downpour. I often wonder what people around me think we the waterworks start. I don't know any of them, so as far as I know they have no idea of the happenings in my life. They probably think I'm touched in the head. That sort of makes me smile...if they think that, they're probably right most days as I often feel a little touched. ;)

Hang in there, my friend. This too shall pass and there'll be better days ahead.

Thinking of you.