Happy birthday, Mum......I miss you more each minute and I search constantly for ways to bring you back, to bring you closer, to emulate your traditions, but never quite reach the mark.
This year I've baked loaves of your cherry nut cake almost everyday. As I pass them along to friends, wrapped in foil and ribbons, your hand will be holding mine.
We celebrated your birthday that last day, you were happy, clear, and surrounded by love and then you left us in your sleep. You'd begun to leave this plane slowly but on your last birthday you were back!
Everyday, your hands seem to do my daily chores, and I watch them gratefully.
This week throughout Christmas will find me with my doggie friends at my boss's house. A simple Christmas celebration will be squeezed in, between the wagging tails, in and out doors and nights alone (the money will be saved toward vacation). LM is very busy with his household, his children and tending Ms G. It is a time of transition. He has one month to keep close tabs on John until the next court date. Tenterhooks are making things feel shaky. We are hopeful the judge will allow John to go to Job Corps instead of back to jail. Day to day.....
We miss each other and hope to spend maybe an hour later today. I miss Ms G, as well.
Just a time of missing, and allowing a little bit of feeling sorry for myself.....Won't last long - not time for that when I have so much and others so little. The stress of daily survival, is especially hard for some I love.
Well, the sun is rising, more cherry nut cake is cooling and I am off to help a friend choose fabrics for a quilt today.
Thank you again, Mum for my spirit to keep going. I know you had that, too.