Sunday, December 19, 2010

That Time of Year

Happy birthday, Mum......I miss you more each minute and I search constantly for ways to bring you back, to bring you closer, to emulate your traditions, but never quite reach the mark.
This year I've baked loaves of your cherry nut cake almost everyday. As I pass them along to friends, wrapped in foil and ribbons, your hand will be holding mine.
We celebrated your birthday that last day, you were happy, clear, and surrounded by love and then you left us in your sleep. You'd begun to leave this plane slowly but on your last birthday you were back!
Everyday, your hands seem to do my daily chores, and I watch them gratefully.

This week throughout Christmas will find me with my doggie friends at my boss's house. A simple Christmas celebration will be squeezed in, between the wagging tails, in and out doors and nights alone (the money will be saved toward vacation). LM is very busy with his household, his children and tending Ms G. It is a time of transition. He has one month to keep close tabs on John until the next court date. Tenterhooks are making things feel shaky. We are hopeful the judge will allow John to go to Job Corps instead of back to jail. Day to day.....
We miss each other and hope to spend maybe an hour later today. I miss Ms G, as well.

Just a time of missing, and allowing a little bit of feeling sorry for myself.....Won't last long - not time for that when I have so much and others so little. The stress of daily survival, is especially hard for some I love.

Well, the sun is rising, more cherry nut cake is cooling and I am off to help a friend choose fabrics for a quilt today.
Thank you again, Mum for my spirit to keep going. I know you had that, too.

7 comments:

One Woman's Journey said...

Memories - what would we do without them. Have a day filled with blessings

swiencz@gmail.com said...

Thanks for posting these thoughts. Something wasn't right yesterday until I realized it was the day Mum left - a slow motion day. I continue the holiday prep today with my ever changing lists, celebrating Mum's b'day in my heart. I will still do the stockings a la Mum for my adult dears L, R and J. Great memories. Love, B.

judemiller1 said...

Memories are so strong this time of year--especially memories of our mothers. I miss mine every day and she left us (at age 53), 40 years ago. I can still see her, but I have forgotten her voice and her laugh.

Have a lovely Christmas.

Julie said...

This is suppose to be a happy time of year, at least that is what the holiday songs tell us.
I find it a sad and anxious time.
Surround yourself with the ones you love, snug with your 4 legged friends, and keep smiling.
Spring is right around the corner!! hahaha.

J

Cat Lady of Parkdale said...

thanks for writing about Nana. It made me feel more connected to her.

Happy Days said...

Very nice post about your beloved mom. It is a time of the year we think about our loved ones, and talk to them perhaps a little more than usual. I can hear my daddy whistling and fixing holiday drinks and being his usual cheerful self. It's so nice we can remember all the nice things about our loved ones. I send hope and good wishes to LM, pats to Ms G and lots of christmas hugs to you!! Merry Christmas Marcia!! ...debbie

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