This morning I had an appointment for bloodwork and then another to meet with my wonderful physician, Mary. After the stop at the lab, I had extra time before seeing Mary, so drove to the end of a beautiful country road in E. Orleans. In the midst of the serenity, I saw myself in this old cedar tree - a few branches healing from this rugged winter ( I grew up on Twin Cedars Farm!). This lovely cove was teaming with wildlife and with the car windows open, I let in the warmish sunshine, and took a series of healing breaths, as the nearly invisible sparrows sung to me loudly from within the tough cedar boughs. Beyond the tree, and out of reach of my little camera, a graceful great blue heron was fishing amidst a large raft of black ducks.
Snow is still in most places.
Not many more words can describe the beauty and peace of this spot and it stayed with me as I faced some scary news from Mary.....I'll share with you the see saw emotions of this day.....First, an e-mail I sent out to family and friends when I got home...
"Well, here, I am, back from seeing my doctor Mary and am at Lou's. Sort of in a state of shock. Mary says this is a very serious, even grave, condition and I am nowhere near out of the woods. No work for at least two weeks until we know more about why this happened. A large clot remains in my right lung (others in the left but not as bad). That large clot is partially blocking the vena cava, the artery that carries purified blood to the heart, thus shortness of breath and weakness. Mary has referred me to a pulmonary specialist and I will see him on 3/4. They may do something like clot busting (no idea what it is). Mary is ordering other tests, too as there are other things involved. Meanwhile, I am cautioned to rest, and do just minimal things around the house. VNA is still going to come in for another week. She was so kind but very concerned. After about 3 months, I will be sent to a hematologist to attempt to determine why this clotting occurred. Mary says I am very healthy otherwise....good BP, etc so this shouldn't happen. It is a puzzle to her. She said those that usually have these events have swollen feet/legs, high BP, etc.
So we just wait. I am determined to be OK, but for now am exhausted and concerned. Keeping my spirits high.....breathing!
So sorry for this awful news...I just cannot even stand to be on the phone."
E-mail 2 this evening..........
"Some relatively good news for a change!! After the news I received earlier today, I spent a very scared afternoon contemplating what might happen to me, but this evening at 6:30, I received a very long and helpful phone call from my physician, Mary. Mary had just spent almost an hour at the end of her very busy workday, consulting with the pulmonary specialist who will see me on March 4. Indeed I have been in a life threatening situation but healing is underway!! He had reviewed all my records at length and told Mary that my body was doing a great job of reabsorbing the large clots in my lungs, especially the one affecting my heart and he felt that as long as I remained resting, took the Coumadin (bloodthinner), and had frequent monitoring, I would make a complete recovery. Also, the severe abdominal pain I am having is caused by a very swollen spleen. That is because the spleen is working overtime helping in the re-absorption of the blood clots. To be sure of that, I will have an ultrasound next week to monitor that progress. All being said, he also felt the clotting issue was definitely caused by being so very sick for so long with the H1N1/pneumonia. All in all, my body has been doing exactly what it needs to do to heal.
Thank you everyone for your love and concern, and I am so sorry to be a cause for worry.
So, this was my day.. lows, highs, beauty and love. I feel so much better tonight. Thank you all for being there, too. I'm resting, and ever so grateful. I do feel the clarity that emerged from this day began with that brave cedar tree. "She's" making it through this tough winter, too.
Hoping the little trip to the seashore brings peace and clarity to you all, as well.