Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Tunnelvision

Hello everyone....I guess I will be musing from the tunnel for awhile as the symptoms do not seem to be abating to any great degree. I am adjusting to this status but do not like feeling so muted.  It feels like I am living behind the cobwebs of the Adams' family manse, and cannot quite part them enough to see clearly, while I can hear a lot of bizarre and crazy happenings.  It's scary as I navigate through these times, but I know it will eventually be OK.  The birds are singing loudly, to my delight every morning now, and although it is wintery cold here, we have glorious healing sunshine at midday when I take lunch.

 Along with the physical struggle of adjusting to the heart medication, is the emotional struggle to stay detached with love from the terrible struggles going on daily for LM and Kristi.  I cannot even begin to detail the challenges so I won't try. The still impending death of Kristi's mother, coupled with draconian legal woes is the cruelest twist of fate in which I have ever been involved.  For, LM, at the center of a struggle to ensure his disabled daughter's future, it is devastating, yet, each day, he gets up anew, and faces it, does what he can to struggle against unreturned phone calls, somewhat fruitless efforts to unwind government red tape, and still maintain a loving and secure environment for Kristi.  He does the same for me, keeping me in the loop, assuring me we will get through this.  There are times he cracks, and we are there for each other. There are many completely sleepless  nights happening here for all concerned. Managing stress is not easy or relatable for many developmentally disabled people, and I have been so saddened to observe Kristi's struggle. She can only frown, pace, show anger, and ask questions we cannot answer over and over and over.

Meanwhile, through all of this, Ms G, our hero, is helping LM and Kristi....she entertains with her hilarious antics.  Last week, because her coat is looking quite scruffy, I decided to introduce her to a new and healthier cat food (Fromm's), and she was pretty funny with her sulky hanging the head over the bowl ways for a few days.  She is finally eating it and loving the new food.  For the last 8 years she has only eaten cat treats and I knew it was not the healthiest plan - not to mention expensive, so it was time for this change. She cuddles very closely with LM everynight and pats his face with her paw in the morning to wake him - sometimes at 3 am, though.  She's also enjoying the ever slow arrival of Spring and loves gazing out at the birds each day.

Thank you so much for all the kind thoughts and notes. Love will prevail and the sisters' reunion in Canada is now less than 2 months away!!  We have exciting plans for our trip, especially on the way back when we will spend a few nights in a cottage on the shores of a beautiful lake in the Adirondacks!  I'll write more about those plans soon.








9 comments:

linda eller said...

As I am a new blog friend, I am on the outside looking in, and do not know what the situation is, but it sounds as if you need lots of prayer, encouragement, and hugs, so am sending all 3 your way.

Cape Cod Kitty said...

Linda, thank you so much. The history of all this is in previous posts. This is a sensitive situation right now so my words are a bit opaque.
LM is my "boyfriend", Kristi is her first born daughter (42). She had a stroke at age 1 and is developmentally disabled.
Wishing you a very happy day and sending much gratitude for your caring.

Linda said...

Sounds like a lot of patience & support are in order for your situation.

Cape Cod Kitty said...

Hi Linda,
Understatement of the day...it is beyond patience. I have to preserve myself through all this that LM is dealing with. The temptation to jump in and try to fix everything for them is so great but it is not my place. I just listen, and LM is keen enough to not overburden me. I am so in awe of his ability to face all he must. This, too, shall pass. I hope all is well in OR with you and that you are seeing Spring!

Cape Cod Kitty said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Retired English Teacher said...

Thanks for giving us an update. I am so, so sad to hear you are all going through this unfortunate chain of events right now. Take care.

MBG said...

Kitty,
I'm so sorry to read about your health problems. I knew that Ibuprofen could be troublesome, but nothing like what you're going through, I hope that you soon will be out of your tunnel and feeling much, much better, and that LM's troubles will ease as well. Sending hugs and healing thoughts.

Merry

Cape Cod Kitty said...

Sally and Merry,
Thank you so much....every little bit helps and today turned out to be one of the best days I have had in awhile. The side effects from the drugs I must take for awhile are exhausting but I think it is better to keep forging ahead than to give in and sleep, thus, I am working and finding welcome distraction.
I'll be fine....have to be.
Your healing thoughts are a huge help.....XO

judemiller1 said...

I can't believe any of it--just terrible. Stupid red tape and attorney's and all else that causes problems. Are you telling me that for 8 years, the only food Ms. G has taken are treats? It's a wonder she doesn't weight a ton. She will get use to the new food--my two have been very vocal lately because I have cut back on their food. Buddy DOES weigh a ton, so--he must quit eating like a pig!!! HOpe things continue to improve--stuff around here is confusing and depressing and sad, but we know--it will get better--at least it always has before, so we go onward--hoping.