Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Redemption

This article in today's news really hit home with me.
Some years back - 1990 - I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer and among the treatments I received to combat it was radioactive iodine, the first dose administered in an outpatient setting. I was told to ride home in the back seat of the car and to keep away from pregnant women and babies, especially, as I would be radioactive for a few days. I was also told to stay home from work for 3-4 days, sleep by myself and avoid contact with others as much as possible. My husband at the time, decided that my having cancer was a betrayal of his "love," and decided to leave me for someone else.....he came back and forth during that painful time, but I will never forget that he was driving the car the day I was coming home from the first treatment, and he was unmercifully mean to me. He accused me of avoiding him because I was told to keep my distance for his own good. It was awful, and the pain of that time has often resurfaced. He refused to believe that I was following Dr's orders (if he hadn't just dumped me at the hospital door, then came back to pick me up at the same spot, he could have heard the Dr speak the words).

When I had a recurrence in 1994 and had to go through the process again, I was hospitalized for several days in Boston and kept in isolation, where even food was passed through a small door and I was remotely monitored. That was a very sad 3 days with no human contact. Because I had not been ready to let a bad marriage go, said husband was still in the picture and he once again belittled me. I got the courage to ask him to take me to my parents, where I stayed a healed in a place of love. Needless to say our marriage was ended very soon after that hospitalization.

I have often wondered if those events happened to open my eyes about the state of the marriage and to really look at the behavior I was accepting. Once I made the decision to leave, the most wonderful things opened up for me and I began a journey of discovery and joy. There have been other challenges along the way, and I've had strength gained from that radiation experience to rise above.
Just needed to write this today.
Hoping to begin a series of posts about our Canada trip tomorrow. It was heaven, and when I think back on those hard times, I am ever so grateful for my loving LM and the love we share. A beautiful thing. Makes me smile when I realize I knew him in those days of the cancer but he had no idea of what was happening in my private life. (He was a teacher where I worked) There was a little spark but it took nearly 18 years to light and ignite our love.

3 comments:

Happy Days said...

All I can say is that your X was an Asshole, and your sickness probably paved his way as an excuse to leave...and he is the big looser here....besides, we all like LM much better. He is our kinda guy!!!Seriously, thank you for sharing that awful part of your life. I know you've had some awful health issues. I hope they're all gone and you and LM and Ms Graysea can live heathly ever after!!!!! ...debbie

judemiller1 said...

Perhaps all of it was to end that marriage and set you free to find true happiness. I have often wondered over the years since my divorce, why I had to go through what I did and I think, it was when I found Fred I so appreciated the kind of man he is--one I probably would never have dated while I was in high school. You and I are at a good place in our lives now. thanks for this post.

Kittie Howard said...

I totally agree with Happy Days except that the F-bomb belongs in front of asshole. I don't know LM but he sounds like one great guy. I'm truly, truly sorry you had to go through so much for him to enter your life -- for what you went through was pure HELL -- but I feel comforted in knowing you're enjoying a bit of heaven on earth now.

Thank you for sharing. It took real guts to lay this out. You're great!!!