Monday, June 22, 2009

Auto Pilot

Ms G has a lot to do these days as she feels singly responsible for making me feel better. At every oportunity, she is insinuating herself onto my lap and as you can see here, she must be between me and the computer! My lap is just not big enough. She's a dear little comforter! No doubt, she is tuned in to my feelings.
The days are passing, grief is not lessening but I am functioning, accomplishing, appearing and not appearing. A very strange place, but one in which all is not lost. I am, at times, consumed by "shoulds and want to do's" but unable to act on them. I HAVE to give myself permission to not "do" everything right now. What does get done is from rote, although there is some creativity happening here....voila, I made LM some nice hand knit face cloths for Father's Day. He really appreciates them and they are used exclusively. Saturday night we had the nearby fish market cook us two lobsters and shared a nice dinner and watched an old movie, "Separate Tables," while we played with Ms G. She was happy to have LM here for awhile.

Saturday morning, I got myself to the farmers market and did manage to find a quart of local strawberries and we had shortcake after our lobsters that night. I even made the biscuits from scratch.
The rain continues here and there is so little light in the days. Fitting, I guess. Yesterday, Hallmark be darned, was tearful and it took everything I had to rally enough to get myself geared up to take LM out with his daughters to celebrate. He was happy to have his girls together.

Here it is Monday and there is comfort to be had in returning to the structure of the work week.

1 comment:

Happy Days said...

The last photo of you and LM is really nice. Glad he was able to get with his girls. It's so important. Our kids were here for Father's Day. We had a Bar-B-Q and the girls swam till they turned blue. It was fun.

Just to let you know, and I think I even told you this before but I will say again. It does take time to get over grief. It doesn't happen quickly. It took me a whole year before I could think about daddy and not cry. I do feel his presence at times and that is very comforting...debbie