"Attacked by a Morning Dove"

A message from Ms G.....

This morning while I waited for my mom to finish her workout (if mom would only understand that she just needs to sit all the time and be my couch), I was killing time birdwatching at the little feeder on the guest room window....here and there I watched the goldfinches, a few chickadees and my favorite cardinal. They all seemed unfazed by my presence and the sun was filling my perch on the back of a chair, mere inches from the window that holds the feeder. All of a sudden kerplunk, a "huge" morning dove landed in the feeder, nearly scaring me to death and causing me to chatter very loudly as he sat there eating. Truly it was a major event in my day and he sure looked like a tasty morsel, alas, no matter how hard I charged the window, I couldn't catch him and the beautiful dove had a few bites and flew away. Just wanted my fan club to know how exciting life can be here. Now, if I could just get my mom to stay home all the time, better yet, if LM would come over and visit soon, my life would be purrfect. Something is up with him, not sure what, but I have a sneaky feeling my mom may be packing me up in the carrier and I may go to a new place. Oh, oh!
Headbutts, purrs, soft pats and sweet glances to all.

Tuesday Tidbits

What a lovely day! Awoke on my own, not to loud barking, only sweet Ms G to purr softly as we went through our regular routine.
When my boss arrived he brought me the lovely necklace above, that they purchased from a French artisan. The stone is an onyx. I just love it! He gleefully told me there was nary a bark to be heard at their house last night. I prefer to believe that they were so tired from the transatlantic flight that they did not hear it! LOL.

After work I had to drive to Orleans for a meeting and from the moment I stepped out the office door, I was treated to lovely sights in nature (or maybe I have just not been looking beyond myself enough lately). On the phone wires there was a pair of doves, under and back lit by the golden/pink wash of sunset. Could they have delivered the peace I felt today? As I drove toward Orleans I saw several great blue herons wading in tidal areas, also lit by the beautiful early evening light.

LM's visit with the attorney went well, still much to unfold. We are choosing to only think about a positive outcome. The details of the will are not being divulged to the niece and nephews until after the memorial service on Saturday.
Life is beginning to move forward....LM is home making a huge batch a chili tonight to take to his fishing group tomorrow.
Dad will be moved from the hospital to a nursing home in the morning. There seems to be a positive flow, and Ms G is happily having lap time! All well in the world at this moment.
Your many prayers and positive thoughts have been so helpful! Thank you.

Miracle Monday

After a relaxing evening watching the Oscars, and a comparatively long sleep until 4:45 am, I awoke to barking and silently recited my survival mantra of "one more night." It sort of felt good and after the doggies were settled down for the morning, my trusty car was taking me home to see Ms G and get ready for work. Shortly after I got to the office, I learned that my boss and his wife would be home from Paris today and not tomorrow! I could feel my spirit soar and the rest of the day was great.
In other good news, Dad is fairly stable. He is still very weak and it will take some time for him to recover from the pneumonia. Dear Trish is already making arrangements for Dad to go to the nursing facility were he was several years ago and was very happy with the care. Dad even showed some sense of humor today when Trish visited. I so much want to be there but I am very tired and know I cannot push myself. It is such a long drive.

Now we need a miracle Tuesday, as it is the day of LM's meeting with the attorney regarding Bob's will. The relatives will be notified of the wishes in the will within a few days.....this is a tense time and I know LM is very concerned. We do not want to have to deal with any negativity/contesting, etc, regarding Bob's choice of leaving the house, contents, car and a considerable amount of money to LM. It could also create an uneasy situation at the memorial service on Saturday. We would much rather just have Bob back and not deal with any of this but that is not to be. LM has been using this interim to get himself back on track. He resumes teaching tonight, and today he began the process of having his own fishing related radio show. Healing begins, life goes on.

This day ended with a most brilliant sunset that lit my way home, all the electric/telephone wires along the road were glowing beautifully and the front of my house, right into the living room turned pink for about 10 minutes. I think the universe was very glad I was on my way home to stay for awhile. I know Ms. G is.

Tonight I am zoning out by watching some Tales of the City DVD's.

News from the Land of Barking

Ah, yes, this masochistic woman is dog sitting AGAIN and getting little or no sleep due to barking that only begins at 2 am. Before my dear boss left for another trip to Paris, I was warned that they have called Bark Busters but help will not be arriving for a few weeks and even then it will be awhile before the problem is cured. Last night was a heyday for Ms Liza and once started at 2 she never gave up. All ideas were exhausted and so am I.
I am still feeling quite depressed and sort of "blank" interspersed with tears. I've added one more issue to try to juggle amidst all the grief. Dad was hospitalized yesterday with breathing difficulties and has been diagnosed with pneumonia. Dear son, Jason, went up to visit him today and he is quite weak. Having just experienced Bob's death, ultimately from pneumonia, it is so sad. We all know Dad is nearly 97 and is suffering from kidney failure but I am not ready to lose him right now.

Anyway, I cannot leave the Cape because of the dogs so I am relying on other family members to keep me informed. I'm keeping busy and today went over to LM's and helped him to do a lot of cleaning. Nice to be with him and he cooked me a lovely dinner of fresh flounder. YUM.

So, even though I keep thinking I will feel better, things keep pulling me down....I am just giving myself freedom to feel it, knowing full well better days are coming.

On the plus side today, while at LM's I allowed myself to look around the nice grounds and dream of a little garden, even several little gardens. We are planning to do a new rose garden in Bob's memory in which we will place some of his lovely garden statuary.

In a Trance

As I float along from day to day, doing what needs to be done, I find I am skimming....just dealing with the bare necessities, resting as much as possible and only dealing with what I can handle.
Staying at my boss's very zen-like house, affords me even more space to just zone out. The dogs have been behaving well so far, and have promised me there will be no bad stuff like the last time their "parents" went to Paris.
LM is dealing day to day, too, and is also subdued. It is OK.
The weekend is bringing a visit from Bob's niece and nephew to pick up some paperwork and clothing for the memorial service which will be held next week. Their visit creates some tension for LM and I plan to be with him at his request. I think he feel a bit "out of place" in Bob's home right now, even though he has lived there for a long time and it is Bob's wish for him to have the house and contents.
I have invites from friends to do things this weekend but just am not inclined, so will lay low.
I'll be back in a few days.....Happy weekend!

Acts of Loving Kindness

Today did not start off feeling like it was going to be a good day, as I had only been able to sleep until 2 am before the committee in my head began a meeting and it was all down hill from there despite my greatest efforts at meditative breathing, etc. Anyway, I forced my feet onto the floor at 5 am and did 1/2 hr of low-impact aerobics.

When I opened my e-mail, there was a very sweet "I love you" surrounded by hearts and flowers which had been sent to me at 1:20 am.....guess dear LM was also unable to sleep.

There were other e-mails from many blog friends to start my day.

It was pretty cold and frosty when I stepped out to go to work and after a few deep breaths the day began to get better.

After being at work an hour or so, my dear co-worker, Nancy came up behind me and gently laid a heated neck warmer over my shoulders. There was an immediate release of some major tension.

A noon time trip to the post office brought me the most beautiful card and letter from my high school best friend, Lynne and her husband, containing the most lovely words and prayers.

There are crocuses coming up in gardens around town.

Fewer tears, so much love.

Alien Moods

Having read lots about grief, I know it can take many forms. In order to let it wash over me, I am just treating myself gently and having frequent moments when I am filled with tears, memories and conflict. More often than not, I am in a stony stare. It is painful that this loss brings me back to other losses and they seem to be forming a ball of pain in my heart.
LM is feeling a lot of the same and we sort of check in with each other to talk it out.....he less able to be forthcoming about his sadness, although it is very evident. He has so much to do related to the estate.
There is no way of knowing how long this will take....how we will deal with the memorial service and burial on 2/28, but I do know we will be close to each other and get through it somehow. It is complicated by the fact LM has inherited Bob's estate.

Meanwhile, it was a beautiful day with everything covered by a thick blanket of snow. As long as I can see the beauty, I know I am OK.
To shore me up a bit, I have tightened up my healthy eating and making sure I exercise each day, as that always seems to keep my emotions on a more even keel.

Once again, I want to say to all my readers how very grateful I am for all the loving support. Each little "hug" and warm regard is so meaningful. What wonderful friends!