How does one possibly write about the death of one's beloved son-in-law? I have no idea, but will go with my flow of consciousness, as the grief washes over me with a different strength day and night.
Sleep is elusive or a nap can last 18 hours, only to be awakened by a frantic cat standing on my head, purring loudly and puling my hair, or a worried 8 year old lifting the covers to kiss my cheek. Those loving kisses, evoking burning tears, and a grateful heart. Going about chores that must be done, brings an awareness of looking down on my every move. Sentences are difficult to finish, and I am a stranger in my own presence. Kind hands touch my arm, as friends ask how I am, how my daughter and grandsons are doing, and offer anything they can do to help. I am pretty sure Anne, Jared and Marshall are experiencing much the same, yet even more profoundly. Anne is moving along, between bouts of tears. She has purchased a new home, the old one on the market, finances are cared for, she appears at her office. She cares passionately about David's mother's recovery from this loss, too. All in the same way, I wake, take Teddy to the bus, and do errands. Time stops for no one. Somehow we just fit it all in with the need to cry, gaze at a sky, or ocean and go on. David would want it that way.
My dreams and awake times are filled with his voice, his face, and especially his laugh - that insane laugh that made everyone else laugh, too. Our political discussions, his always caring voice when we spoke. I was a very lucky mother-in-law.
Just after returning from Florida to be with Anne and family, I took my long awaited trip to Colorado to visit my sister for 10 days. Recovery began amidst the amazing beauty of the Rockies in Fall.
I will share it when I can.
Friday, November 3, 2017
Thursday, September 21, 2017
Colorado
We have tropical storm Jose still hovering around and over us this morning. Morning seems to have come with little light, and the trees are bending to the ground at times. The heavy rains seemed to expend themselves yesterday. Feeling like I must go to look at the ocean this morning as I can hear it pounding against the shore as I type.
Today will be some errands in final preparation for my trip to Colorado next Tuesday. I am so looking forward to being with my sister for a week, and to maybe seeing Aspen's with their Fall glow. I could use some brightness! We have had no sun for many days, never mind the dimness of my spirits.
Today will be some errands in final preparation for my trip to Colorado next Tuesday. I am so looking forward to being with my sister for a week, and to maybe seeing Aspen's with their Fall glow. I could use some brightness! We have had no sun for many days, never mind the dimness of my spirits.
Our girl was the dearest nurse and lifter of spirits.
Tomorrow LM will take me along when he does a car swap for Toyota. We will be off early to Saco, ME.....along the way we will have some fun stops and lunch. Best of all it affords us a day alone in beautiful places.
Almost time to take Teddy to the bus and launch myself on some errands. I'm in search of a new cell phone charging cord. We have a serious issue here with a certain Mr. Bosley, who loves to chew cords.
Another dead cord
and, he also chews toes!!
A beautiful day to all.....with love.
Monday, September 18, 2017
Sweetness
So much more love and sweetness is coming my way in the form of little notes of comfort from Ms G's legions of fans, both here and on Facebook! She was a funny little one!!
As I write Bosley is climbing all over me purring loudly and demanding my full attention. Having Betty and Bosley is a help. Betty offering her brand of sweetness in a very gentle way. She loves to follow me, then rub her head on my feet. Boz is very demonstrative in a most insistent way! The minute I sit down, he charges up the front of me and butts my head.
The grief comes in waves, and I caught myself laughing a little while ago, so I know there is hope!
LM spent his day in nature, where we both always find healing. He had a great blue heron light 20 feet from where he was fishing! He called me frequently to share his day and feelings. Tough for him to go home to the house alone. He is currently pretending she is still there, and talking with her. More sweetness.
Gratitude, Peace and Love to you all!
Sunday, September 17, 2017
Awash
We've been cloaked in fog, morning and evening the last few days - remnants of Hurricane Irma, and the approaching Hurricane Jose.
Just after leaving my sweet baby girl at the vets on Friday afternoon, I drove right in to the late afternoon fog bank as I took my shattered self to meet LM at work. He was stationed at the Herring River Landing in W. Harwich to do interviews with recreational fisherman.
The fog obscured us as we sobbed in each other's arms. We sat there by the river as I shared the experience, wishing we could go back, while fully realizing we did the right thing. How grateful I am that LM had Ms G for her last 8 years. She loved her life, and we loved her. The weekend has been tough....and now, I am back at home without my love and the comfort that comes with his closeness. Betty and Bosley are having a good time with some of Ms G's toys I brought home. T
We are experiencing another challenge here, as DIL, Alison's, mother is very sick, and Teddy is having a tough struggle over it all. We are not telling him about Ms G right away, so life will be carrying me along, grief and all.
Baby Girl's favorite blanket!
Just after leaving my sweet baby girl at the vets on Friday afternoon, I drove right in to the late afternoon fog bank as I took my shattered self to meet LM at work. He was stationed at the Herring River Landing in W. Harwich to do interviews with recreational fisherman.
The fog obscured us as we sobbed in each other's arms. We sat there by the river as I shared the experience, wishing we could go back, while fully realizing we did the right thing. How grateful I am that LM had Ms G for her last 8 years. She loved her life, and we loved her. The weekend has been tough....and now, I am back at home without my love and the comfort that comes with his closeness. Betty and Bosley are having a good time with some of Ms G's toys I brought home. T
We are experiencing another challenge here, as DIL, Alison's, mother is very sick, and Teddy is having a tough struggle over it all. We are not telling him about Ms G right away, so life will be carrying me along, grief and all.
Fog
The fog comes
on little cat feet.
It sits looking
over harbor and city
on silent haunches
and then moves on.
Saturday, September 16, 2017
LOVE
Ms Graysea, our beloved friend and blog namesake, left this world yesterday afternoon. She'd begun to fail over recent months, but we kept her going with the agreement that, when and if she stopped eating, we would release her from her tired little body.
It was a fun run sharing Ms G with all of our blog friends, readers and family everywhere.
Our furry friends make this world so special, and teach us so much.
Thank you for all the love....we send it right back to you!
PEACE
PS. The blog will continue, with many more frequent posts, we hope!!
She was gently helped along by our wonderful local veterinary staff, while I held her closely, whispering in her ear as she fell asleep. She nuzzled my neck and purred to the very last second. For 18 years she was "baby girl" and was the greatest entertainer! Her last 8 years she has lived with LM, and those two shared an unbreakable bond. We shared our beautiful love with her and she gave us more.. LM was unable to be with us at the end, but he feels her loss profoundly.
A fantastic mouser, certainly necessary in a house dating back to 1820, she caught her last one and presented it to LM last week.
At this point, we are both shattered and finding it near impossible to go less than a few minutes without bursting in to another round of tears and sobbing. We've had no sleep. She is everywhere we look, and we keep thinking we hear or see her around each corner. She loved nothing better than when we were all together.
Our furry friends make this world so special, and teach us so much.
Thank you for all the love....we send it right back to you!
PEACE
PS. The blog will continue, with many more frequent posts, we hope!!
Thursday, July 20, 2017
PHEW and Joy
We're havin" a heat wave here, and the name of my game, is stay calm and cool. I will deliver Teddy to the camp bus at 8:40, and return quickly to my air conditioned aerie. The downstairs has no AC and it is insufferable during the day. I'm not happy with the impact heat has on my aging body, and even with exercise, etc, I begin to fall apart if exposed to long. Being able to just stay quiet and read, rest, and do a little puttering, is a gift, and I am grateful.
The cats are a bit active early in the day, then they find a corner and flatten themselves out on the floor. They are models for coping!
Our kitchen stove died last weekend and a new one will be delivered tomorrow morning. Looking forward to a stainless steel and black beauty, and preparing some meals again. This week has been whatever can be micowaved or grilled, and it is a bit too much to stand over a hot grille. DIL's car died last week, too, so a new/used Subaru Forrester is arriving on Saturday. The old Forrester had well over 200,00 miles and was beginning to complain loudly. Teddy is very excited for the new car to arrive!
That is about it from the doldrums this morning......sending peace, smiles and love this morning, as Bosley has just arrived to check the wastebasket in my sitting room for muffins, etc.
JOY: Sharing a recent family gathering during Anne's visit and just before a delicious dinner at Americana Cafe in Wareham, MA
From the left: LM (my love), son, Jason, grandson, Teddy, daughter-in-law, Alison, daughter, Anne, and MOI. A memorable and special evening.
The cats are a bit active early in the day, then they find a corner and flatten themselves out on the floor. They are models for coping!
Our kitchen stove died last weekend and a new one will be delivered tomorrow morning. Looking forward to a stainless steel and black beauty, and preparing some meals again. This week has been whatever can be micowaved or grilled, and it is a bit too much to stand over a hot grille. DIL's car died last week, too, so a new/used Subaru Forrester is arriving on Saturday. The old Forrester had well over 200,00 miles and was beginning to complain loudly. Teddy is very excited for the new car to arrive!
That is about it from the doldrums this morning......sending peace, smiles and love this morning, as Bosley has just arrived to check the wastebasket in my sitting room for muffins, etc.
From the left: LM (my love), son, Jason, grandson, Teddy, daughter-in-law, Alison, daughter, Anne, and MOI. A memorable and special evening.
Wednesday, July 12, 2017
Privet Time
Everywhere we go these warm and humid July days, the air is filled with the scent of Privet.
Yesterday, I spent a nice day with neighbor, Peg, and it is her favorite scent, too. After cruising a few of our favorite thrift and consignment shops, we took a drive over to Marion, on what is called the Massachusetts South Coast. It is a classically beautiful New England coastal town, and there seemed to be Privet hedges at every house we passed. After a nice tour through the area....known well by Peg, as her daughter is renting a home there on the water for the summer, we came back to Wareham and had a little waterfront lunch to catch up on our lives, laughing and commiserating - there is nothing like a good friend.
Teddy is off to camp for the day, and I am about to go to the gym, followed by a grocery trip. I've promised myself I will come home and read this afternoon. Have a good book going with some interesting New England history, "The House at Lobster Cove," by Jane Goodrich.
I will leave you with a beautiful Cape Cod sunset captured by my love, LM, on 4th of July, evening in Yarmouthport on Mill Creek.
Peace, smiles and love!
Yesterday, I spent a nice day with neighbor, Peg, and it is her favorite scent, too. After cruising a few of our favorite thrift and consignment shops, we took a drive over to Marion, on what is called the Massachusetts South Coast. It is a classically beautiful New England coastal town, and there seemed to be Privet hedges at every house we passed. After a nice tour through the area....known well by Peg, as her daughter is renting a home there on the water for the summer, we came back to Wareham and had a little waterfront lunch to catch up on our lives, laughing and commiserating - there is nothing like a good friend.
Teddy is off to camp for the day, and I am about to go to the gym, followed by a grocery trip. I've promised myself I will come home and read this afternoon. Have a good book going with some interesting New England history, "The House at Lobster Cove," by Jane Goodrich.
I will leave you with a beautiful Cape Cod sunset captured by my love, LM, on 4th of July, evening in Yarmouthport on Mill Creek.
Peace, smiles and love!
Wednesday, January 11, 2017
HELLO!!
I keep trying to come back to regular blogging - things to post run through my head everyday, yet it just doesn't get done. I love the community I developed here, and feel so bonded to you all, STILL.
Here is a little attempt to catch you up with life in my little worlds. Yes, I am still living with my son and family, and loving every minute of being Nana to now 8 years old, Teddy. In the past year I have become much more involved with volunteering at Teddy's school, a very rewarding way of bonding with Teddy. He loves knowing I am there, even if we don't always see each other. The Bournedale School is K-4 and small enough that everyone is so friendly and inclusive. Teddy, being so gregarious, is known and loved by everyone.
Until Thanksgiving I had been working with a personal trainer at a small gym in our neighborhood. Thinking I was a lot more able than Super Woman, I spent 5 hours raking, filling barrels and toting them all to the brush pile at LM's house (I still spend most weekends with my love, LM, and this blog's aging namesake, Ms G). It all felt great to be outside in cold crisp air but when I returned home that night, I began to feel the pain in my left hip and leg and was hobbled in screaming pain for almost 3 weeks. All I could do was take ibuprofen sparingly, rest and do a few yoga stretches to loosen the piriformis muscle which was affecting my sciatic nerve. Just before Christmas, I got hit with the flu, and it turned in to near pneumonia and pleurisy. I am still coughing, but the blessing in disguise was the course of prednisone I took to enable me to breathe.....it finally kicked out the pain in my hip, too!!! So next week, I hope to get back to the gym. I need the energy that exercise creates to keep up with myself.
In other, very exciting news, this house has been blessed with 2 kittens!! After losing their dear cat, Sting, last year, my son and wife said no to more cats, but in mid-November, son, Jason came to me and asked me to cruise Pet Finder and find some local kittens as a surprise for Teddy. We found the most wonderful brother sister duo, Betty and Bosley. They are the most fun, and are also a 2 man wrecking crew. We were taken by them at first meeting. They were in a shelter and had been fostered from tiny babies in a home with children, dogs and other cats. They are afraid of nothing, purr instantly when you even look at them, and are equal opportunity loves with all of us. Bosley has become very attached to me, as I am home so much of the time, and if I do not pick him up to cuddle, he is climbing up my legs to reach my shoulders and drape himself around my neck. Right now they are 4 months. Stay tuned for a lot of photos!!
March will find me in FL for most of the month, and I am so excited. I'll be attending my grandson, Jared's wedding to his finacee, Jennifer. It will be held at Silver Springs in Ocala. Such a beautiful true-Florida place. The week after the wedding I'll be headed a bit north to just outside St. Augustine to spend some blissful time with my dear dear friend, Sue.
I cannot write without sharing how deeply emotional I have been about the turn in our country's administration. It is heartbreaking to go from the civility and grace of the Obamas, to the crude, crass and abuse behavior of "he who shall remain nameless" in my world. It makes me realize how very fortunate I am to live in a progressive state. Many friends and family are feeling the same way....and we are committed to working to make our demeanor even kinder and caring with all we meet, and to build a stronger community in every way.
May peace, love and gentleness be strong in your communities, as well!!
Here is a little attempt to catch you up with life in my little worlds. Yes, I am still living with my son and family, and loving every minute of being Nana to now 8 years old, Teddy. In the past year I have become much more involved with volunteering at Teddy's school, a very rewarding way of bonding with Teddy. He loves knowing I am there, even if we don't always see each other. The Bournedale School is K-4 and small enough that everyone is so friendly and inclusive. Teddy, being so gregarious, is known and loved by everyone.
Until Thanksgiving I had been working with a personal trainer at a small gym in our neighborhood. Thinking I was a lot more able than Super Woman, I spent 5 hours raking, filling barrels and toting them all to the brush pile at LM's house (I still spend most weekends with my love, LM, and this blog's aging namesake, Ms G). It all felt great to be outside in cold crisp air but when I returned home that night, I began to feel the pain in my left hip and leg and was hobbled in screaming pain for almost 3 weeks. All I could do was take ibuprofen sparingly, rest and do a few yoga stretches to loosen the piriformis muscle which was affecting my sciatic nerve. Just before Christmas, I got hit with the flu, and it turned in to near pneumonia and pleurisy. I am still coughing, but the blessing in disguise was the course of prednisone I took to enable me to breathe.....it finally kicked out the pain in my hip, too!!! So next week, I hope to get back to the gym. I need the energy that exercise creates to keep up with myself.
In other, very exciting news, this house has been blessed with 2 kittens!! After losing their dear cat, Sting, last year, my son and wife said no to more cats, but in mid-November, son, Jason came to me and asked me to cruise Pet Finder and find some local kittens as a surprise for Teddy. We found the most wonderful brother sister duo, Betty and Bosley. They are the most fun, and are also a 2 man wrecking crew. We were taken by them at first meeting. They were in a shelter and had been fostered from tiny babies in a home with children, dogs and other cats. They are afraid of nothing, purr instantly when you even look at them, and are equal opportunity loves with all of us. Bosley has become very attached to me, as I am home so much of the time, and if I do not pick him up to cuddle, he is climbing up my legs to reach my shoulders and drape himself around my neck. Right now they are 4 months. Stay tuned for a lot of photos!!
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| Betty (black) and Bosley (black and white) were very adept nurses during my recent illness. |
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| Bosley loves to cuddle with Nana |
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| Bosley and Betty curled up on the afghan today. Betty seems to disappear. |
March will find me in FL for most of the month, and I am so excited. I'll be attending my grandson, Jared's wedding to his finacee, Jennifer. It will be held at Silver Springs in Ocala. Such a beautiful true-Florida place. The week after the wedding I'll be headed a bit north to just outside St. Augustine to spend some blissful time with my dear dear friend, Sue.
May peace, love and gentleness be strong in your communities, as well!!
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