It seems I cannot stay away from sharing this time of passage in my life.
For 10 years I have lived and worked in my little town, yet I never truly felt like my place was "home" but rather, a place to sleep and be protected. STRANGE feeling of unbelonging, even though I was living in a place I'd loved so much all through the years, and, at times, felt incredulous to be living surrounded by such amazing beauty. In other places I've lived through the years, I felt settled and had a haven-like feeling in my surroundings. Here, where I settled after leaving a near-lethal relationship, just felt like a fortress. So when the plans to retire and move back to the area where I lived for so many years began, I didn't think I would feel anything more than relief and excitement about the reality of moving. Me thinks my heart is much more vested in home and work than I ever thought possible. Friends at work are making comments each day about "things will never be the same when you leave," etc.
Last night, Jason and a friend came with a big truck and moved a lot of my things. He cleaned out my basement storage area so I wouldn't have to deal with the stairs again, and even moved a few precious things that will be stored in case I choose to move to my own place at some point after my recovery. As the truck drove away, I looked on with such gratitude for my wonderful son, then I felt like I was physically drained to the point of collapse, so sat with a cold drink and put my feet up. Shortly I was back up to work on a few more pre-move projects - almost like I couldn't stop. Arriving at a wall again, I tried to sleep, to no avail. This morning, I feel so drained and tired that I am barely "here" at work.
The excitement and positive attitude about my major life change seem muted today, and I am telling myself it is a purely physical response to being exhausted. One step in front of the other....tonight I will be organizing my knitting and beading supplies, paring them down, and arranging them for easy access in my new home. I've already done the same with my quilting fabric and supplies.
So this is the latest in my journey through change....a lot of emotions, a strong reminder of my health limitations, and the revelation that I may be a bit more sentimental about the leaving than I thought. Lots to mull over.
Sending you all love and sunshine this morning.
6 comments:
You are wise to acknowledge your emotions and take a break when you need to. Moving is one of the most stressful things we can do.
Seven years ago we moved from a house we had lived in for 29 years. The sadness was tempered with the excitement of a new home and my daughter moving into the old house. Now she is preparing to sell that house sometime in the next year, and those old feelings are evident around the edges. We keep saying "Everything's going to be alright."
That's true for you too ~
Understand all you shared.
Moving back and building something smaller then I had ever had - 5 years ago to
the land that healed me almost 40 years ago - I was exhausted but at peace.
So many thoughts of other homes I had lived in and that I was now further away from my children - but knew in my
heart I had come "home."
Go slow
and rest more
this is good advice
from one
who is not good at either of these :)
Any major change in life makes us feel overwhelmed and exhausted. Just take your time and do what you can...without jeopardizing your health.
You said that you were paring down your knitting and beading supplies. I did the same before my last move and now I wish that I had so many of the things that I gave away. Be careful when you are doing this....You never know what you will need or want as time goes on.
Take care and rest....Balisha
I'm so glad you can't stay away from telling us all about your changes. I agree with Balisha--the months before my hip surgery, I gave away a lot of things that I felt I would never use again. Now--I wish I had them back...because now--I could use them. You will feel so much better after you get that knee fixed!!!
Moving is a stressful event, however, I always thought of it as a new beginning with so much that I would explore and learn and meet new people whom would become my best friends. I guess that was developed from my childhood where we moved around to 8 different states. I think it is a mind set. If you think it's going to be great, it will be. And you are actually going HOME! How great is THAT!! Being with the Grandkidds!! that in itself will be heaven. I know how you love the ocean and like to eat and walk by the flowing tides. You've written so much about that. I have a feeling that will continue.
I agree with Balisha. Don't get rid of too much. You might want some things. Just get a bigger box. lol
Sounds like your moving is moving in an orderly fashion. It's nice your son is able to help you. I know all your co-workers will miss you Horribly!!
And esp. your boss, as they will have to find a new dog sitter!!!!
Just don't overdue and take time for yourself. It is hard to physically move from your old home to your new home. But after a few days, and being able to chat with Teddy all the time, you'll get caught up in your new home and hardly remember the old.....debbie
I find writing the best tool for sorting myself out. I am so glad you reconsidered your blog abandonment. Feeling "at home" can be so tenuous.
You will, though, you will!
XO
WWW
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