It seems I cannot stay away from sharing this time of passage in my life.
For 10 years I have lived and worked in my little town, yet I never truly felt like my place was "home" but rather, a place to sleep and be protected. STRANGE feeling of unbelonging, even though I was living in a place I'd loved so much all through the years, and, at times, felt incredulous to be living surrounded by such amazing beauty. In other places I've lived through the years, I felt settled and had a haven-like feeling in my surroundings. Here, where I settled after leaving a near-lethal relationship, just felt like a fortress. So when the plans to retire and move back to the area where I lived for so many years began, I didn't think I would feel anything more than relief and excitement about the reality of moving. Me thinks my heart is much more vested in home and work than I ever thought possible. Friends at work are making comments each day about "things will never be the same when you leave," etc.
Last night, Jason and a friend came with a big truck and moved a lot of my things. He cleaned out my basement storage area so I wouldn't have to deal with the stairs again, and even moved a few precious things that will be stored in case I choose to move to my own place at some point after my recovery. As the truck drove away, I looked on with such gratitude for my wonderful son, then I felt like I was physically drained to the point of collapse, so sat with a cold drink and put my feet up. Shortly I was back up to work on a few more pre-move projects - almost like I couldn't stop. Arriving at a wall again, I tried to sleep, to no avail. This morning, I feel so drained and tired that I am barely "here" at work.
The excitement and positive attitude about my major life change seem muted today, and I am telling myself it is a purely physical response to being exhausted. One step in front of the other....tonight I will be organizing my knitting and beading supplies, paring them down, and arranging them for easy access in my new home. I've already done the same with my quilting fabric and supplies.
So this is the latest in my journey through change....a lot of emotions, a strong reminder of my health limitations, and the revelation that I may be a bit more sentimental about the leaving than I thought. Lots to mull over.
Sending you all love and sunshine this morning.