Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Nitty Gritty

Amidst all the Ms G fluff here there is a thread in my life that needs clipping. Thread plays an important role when it comes to my quilts, but when it is the invisible binder of thoughts that haunt at 3 am, I am wont to cut it at every link. Believe me, I've used the scissors of meditation, letting go, therapy, denial and so many other ploys to break the anxiety chain, but somehow, it heals itself and comes back to choke me even tighter, rob me of sleep, make me hide, and make me struggle for control; struggle so hard that I do and say things I wish I hadn't. Self-righteousness rules until sanity prevails and I discard that useless cape.
This morning, it is foggy, dark, raining and grim.....I, though, like these days, and they could easily become a time for me to retreat into my cave, a la Ms G, and be spent manufacturing things I "need" to be concerned about. It starts with my children and LM's, then goes to our relationship, then on to my siblings and possible health concerns, oh, and my job....I'm certain I'll be let go soon. My mind is a breeding ground for all the what-ifs, what I could and should be doing, and could and should NOT be doing, next it is on to the basic daily stuff and unfinished projects, friends I should call. I just want to scream, have someone come and take me away and erase my brain! Back to the thread....it's sort of like the tags on pillows and cushions. Do I dare to cut them off??? I always live on the wild side and do remove the tags, why can't I do it with the incessant and mostly unnecessary worry??

Just musing here this morning, after a short night's sleep, from my pretty nice and beautiful world. Right now, I'm off to find my SHARP scissors to cut some threads.


Anonymous said...

I am a long time lurker, have never commented on your blog before, but am identifying with your post this morning. I have the same issues, and have recently read a book (can be used as a bible study, and I'm essentially doing that alone). It's called Calm my Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow. I'm not sure if you are a believer, but I have found great peace after reading and studying the word. I am praying for peace for you today. Lots of love, Mary

Anonymous said...

Cut those darn worries from your cute little head! I say that and here I am with my own problems. Too much to do in too short of time, and other worries that I have no control over keep me awake and full of doubt and anger. I know what your talking about. Be strong, You've got a good support system!! Better than I have. I have to keep mine to myself and that isn't good. Good thing Coope is a good listner! Hope LM is enjoying your live stock...Have a great day and week...debbie

judemiller1 said...

The "What Ifs" will drive a person crazy. I know you don't like to take pills, but a (natural) Melatonin sure helps if taken at bed time. Of course, for me, if that doesn't quiet my mind, I am not adversed to taking a half an Ambien--works everytime.

Linda said...

The best thing for me about moving from Texas to Oregon is creating a new me, someone I like much better.

I have done a lot of reading and am now seeing the fruits of some of the changes I've made.

I do believe there is a season for things and sometimes it's hard to recognize 'the season' is past for some relationships. Perhaps they were good at some point but are now dragging you down. Let those go.

I finally realized I'd never liked myself very well. My daughter says I was the last to recognize that. I'm reading and working hard to learn to like myself.

Life is an ongoing learning experience.

Julie said...

My brother has worked for a large technology based company here in Massachusetts and throughout the country. He is 48, a senior in his field, and is close to being layed off after 25 years of working for them. Both his boys are getting ready for college as well, expensive schools! I asked him how he handles it, and he said, "Why should I worry about the future and what may happen, all I can do is live for the day and be a positive role model for my boys. I will deal with the outcome when it happens"
Best to you always!!


Beverly said...

oh, to live on the wild side....

One Woman's Journey said...

I understand. The threads are cut and then they seem to reconnect.
One day at a time - do not look back - sounds easy - but difficult.

Retired English Teacher said...

The threads of thought, those "invisible binders" that awaken and stalk in the middle of the night do threaten to unravel us, don't they?

I've had those times. I still do. I am learning to write about my worries and sorrow in my private journal.

I am not one to write advice to others in comments in blogs, but I want you to know I understand. My mind is also a breeding ground for all those things over which I have absolutely no control. Sometimes just recognizing that I have no control helps.

You are such a strong, resilient, kind person who truly reaches out to help others. I know you want their best always. It is hard when life isn't always how we want it for others.