Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Never Fear

I'm here, and very busy sorting out some issues, and coming back to center after a lovely trip to visit my dear sister, Bebo (Susan), in Colorado.  I was a bit under the weather for awhile and had to take an antibiotic which proceeded to tear up my entire digestive track.  Really awful.  Glad I am basically healthy, and do not have to take things like that too often!

Of late, I have allowed an enemy to rent some space in my body and soul. FEAR has paid me a visit. He is about to be evicted, as I know, deep in my heart, he is not a good friend and has very bad intentions where I am concerned. He has led me down the path of obsession about my future, where I will live, etc.  I know it is the plight of many women who live alone, and face not being able to work full-time much longer.  I see the crossroads ahead and have no idea what will happen, have fought with my "friend" fear constantly about what to do, and there are still no answers. Fear's eviction is in process, but there remains the fact that I must find some course of pro-action for my future.  I've exhausted almost all avenues that I can - visiting the local senior center for advice, researching information on line, and reading as much as I can.  Brick walls are looming in front of me.  My tennant brought along his friend depression and he's caused me quite a few black days and nights.  They both must go!!  Easier said than done, but I will keep trying.  I'm well aware that my plight is not near as bad as that of many around me, as I have LM (living with him is not an option for many reasons, although we do look out closely for each other), I have a little savings and a good 401k plan at work, and I have loving family.  The answer will come, the answer will come, the answer will come, just not in MY time.

I have some nice photos to share and hope to find time this weekend - a LONG weekend - to post them.

Love to all!

PS:  LM took this photo at his favorite fishing beach while I was in Colorado!


Linda said...

Oh dear, so sorry to hear fear and depression have paid you a visit. I don't know of anything I can do to help. It's hard to offer advice on something you've never experienced yourself. I suspect you are in the position we're going to see more and more women facing. I'm not sure what the answer is going to be but as you say there is one.

Retired English Teacher said...

i'm sorry to hear that you have been struggling with these two adversaries. I do understand your plight. I was single for many years, and I don't know if the fear of not being able to take care of myself has ever really left me.

I know so many women in your same shoes. Close family members are at an age when retirement seems like the best thing because of age and stamina, but then there is the part that means living on a limited income. It is very scary.

I do hope you get some answers of what your future should look like, and that you make wise decisions about what you should do. Timing is so important also. Take care of yourself. Depression is nothing to ignore. Sending warm thoughts your way.

allen's paradise said...

never fear :)

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry your having such a terrible time dealing with the future. Will e-mail you instead of writing here....debbie

One Woman's Journey - a journal being written from Woodhaven - her cottage in the woods. said...

Wish we could talk in person.
Understand all you share.
It is surprising how little one can live on as age continues.
I have always been healthy and really did not realize I would start having some health issues as I age. They are not life threatening but cause me anxiety.
Alone with children no where near.
If I take one day at a time it seems to fall in place.
I always took for granted you would be with that special one in your life - you give so much of yourself to him.
Please think of yourself more - if I can be so bold...

Erin @ I Heart New England said...

Hi, Marcia... remember me?!

I'm sad to hear you've been under a lot of stress lately. Please keep the faith and know that your future will fall into place gracefully, and you need not worry. You have people who love you and look out for you! They'll be there for you if times ever were to get tough.

I hope everything else is going well for you on the Cape! I miss reading your blog and talking to you. We need to catch up! ♥