Christmas Surprise

I arrived home tonight to find tiny lights shining through the window of my darkened house. This being the anniversary of Mum's birth and death, I had been in a reflective mood all day. LM called many times to be sure I was OK and work kept my mind fairly distracted. Also, there were some nice Christmas comments and gifts from clients to make the day even better.

When I saw this sweet little tree, I knew immediately that LM had been by to sprinkle more love on my life. He has made everyday (and night!) Christmas since we have been together. There is also another tree in my sitting room! How nice it feels to be the recipient of such thoughtfulness. LM had a busy day today but he found the time to come all the way over to my house and plan this little surprise for me. It made me cry tears of happiness.

I called Dad to see how he was faring on this day and he was a bit down but was doing his usual activities so hopefully tomorrow will be a brighter day for him.

Worked on the recipe collection for the cookbook today and also put some thought into doing some Christmas baking. I will make trifle to take for Christmas Day dessert.

Being mired in terrible debt from the bills for my oral surgery, I had planned to just breeze right by Christmas but I guess I have no choice but to get in the spirit. How can I help it now that I am so loved and in love with such a wonderful man?

Joy and Peace

Tomorrow is my Mum's burthday and Thursday is the anniversary of her death. Last year marked five years since she left us and it was the hardest year to mark these dates. I cried for weeks and felt very bereft. This year it feels completely different. Most likely it is just a pattern of the grief process, but I think it is due in large part to the incredible love which fills my heart and soul right now. Each day, new aspects of this love unveil themselves and I have moments of wanting to cry because it feels so good, so right. I still have the feeling I want to call Mum to tell her about all this happiness I feel, to tell her how right she was that I would know when true love came along....I would "just know". Depsite the fact that I have had many, many serious relationships in my life, I NEVER knew anything like what I feel now with LM. Best of all, he feels the same way and lets me know that everyday in so many ways.


Chirstmas will be a lot happier this year. Dad is happy and doing relatively well healthwise right now. He continues to thrive at assisted living and takes part in lots of activities. We cannot believe he will be joining us for another beautiful Christmas at my son and daughter-in-law's house. Each of my children are in happy places, my beautiful 10 month old granddaughter and her parents will celebrate her first Christmas with us. My oldest daughter, Anne, is happily celebrating Christmas with her husband and two sons, at their second home on the island of Eleuthera in the Bahamas. LM and his daughter, Kristi will be with my family on that day, too. What a fantastic feeling of love and family!

Knowing I will see my FL family when I visit FL with LM the first week in January is such a treat, too.

My lovely niece, Laura, sent out an e-mail to all the family today to request recipes and she is putting together a family cookbook to be published next year. This is such a wonderful tribute to Mum as many of my best recipes came from my years learning in Mum's kitchen. She was an extraordinary and adventurous cook and she loved good food. Thus, most of the family are wonderful cooks and especially my brothers!
There seems to be a peace which comes with all this joy and I am so very grateful.
And to add a comment from MS. Graysea....she is certainly happy to have such a loving new man in her life....LM even comes to visit and play with her while I am at work...he is really smitten!! JOY!

Saved by Surgery

The onslaught of treats, gift baskets, etc is in full swing at the office! The fact that I can not eat much is saving me from the usual 5 lb gain during this time...we get some seriously good stuff daily but all of it is passing right by me this year. Ahhhhhhh.

The infection appears to be thrush/candida set up by the fact that I have been on such huge doses of anti-biotics off and on for the last 1.5 years....first during and after my knee replacement and then prepping each time for dental procedures, then when I had pneumonia in September. It really got to me this week as my mouth is burning and in pain. There appears to be a bit of relief with the use of Nystatin rinse. I have also begun taking B12 and a natural supplement. This is all making me very tired and off my game.

Have only one Christmas event this weekend which will find us in Provincetown on Saturday to visit old friends. We hope to walk in the town afterwards to see the Christmas lights but we are expecting a major nor'easter storm so the walk may be pre-empted.

Time to sleep. A purry Ms. Graysea awaits me.

Road Trips and Such

My recovery from the surgery in my mouth had been going quite well until last week when I began to have severe burning and pain in my entire mouth. Suffered it out over the weekend as we had a full schedule of parties and other holiday-related events, but by this morning, I had to call the doctor. He is not sure what is happening....there are several theories and we have begun a treatment of rinsing which may attack several of the suspected issues. Meanwhile, work is a challenge as I need to talk so much and my mouth is also painfully dry. I will also begin eliminating certain foods from my diet which can cause further irritation. It is very possble that the huge amounts of anti-biotics which I have had to take over the last year and a half have upset the balance in my body and set up a highly acidic environment allowing bad bacteria to flourish and kill off the good. Time will tell but I am most anxious to be well before the holiday AND the long-awaited trip which Lou and I are taking to FL. There has been prolonged stress with worrying about Dad, pneumonia 2 months ago, surgery and also the stress related to all of a sudden being thrust into this beautiful exciting love which has encompassed my life. It is a major change, albeit delightful, thrilling and so cherished!

We leave on Dec 29 and will be driving a lovely new BMW convertible to Naples, FL for a dear friend of LM's. We will stop to visit my brother in Baltimore on the way down. Once we get to Naples we will have time to rest at the beach and enjoy some warmth. On the return trip we will rent a nice car and make a lot of stops to visit friends and family, including my daughter and former schoolmates of LM's. We are looking forward to a fun-filled time as we both love being on the road and it will be our first long road-trip together.

Last weekend's parties were great....the first was my office party and it was quite enjoyable....I am often uneasy in those situations, even though I work with the nicest people in the world. This time was different with LM by my side. Saturday night was a party with people I used to work with and where I met LM. Fun to see everyone and they are still having a field day with the fact that we are now a couple. So many years have passed since we first met and became friends.

Last night we took LM's daughter, Kristi to the Festival of Lights at Heritage Museum and Gardens in Sandwich. She just loved it and we enjoyed the walk on what turned out to be a pleasant winter evening to be outside. Fun to hold both their hands and be in the center of so much love. I am a very fortunate woman!
On to recovery.

So the challenge is to get better right now, prepare for the holiday and try to keep it low key and stressless.

Giving Thanks for Family

We really were not intending to celebrate Thanksgiving today, as my brother, Sam, and his family, above, are hosting a huge family "Thanksgiving" party at their house next week when many of my dear siblings and other family will be home after many years. Sam and I are the only siblings who have remained in MA where we grew up. Jobs and marriages have taken the others far away but we remain in very close contact and love each other very much, so having 5 of us together next week will be amazing! There will also be my children and their cousins together after many, many years.

So even though we have the other party coming up next week, we could not leave Dad alone at his assisted living home on a day that he always prized to celebrate family. We shared a nice dinner (well, I could not eat much because my mouth is still healing) and then I took Dad for a ride to his beloved Nantasket Beach. He enjoyed seeing the high surf today and it was quite sunny and warm.

LM is having a great time in NJ and we have been on the phone frequently today. I miss him beyond belief. It is just so nice to have someone like him to love and to feel the love returned.
I feel so so grateful!

Oh, Oh!

I am in the not so good graces of Ms Graysea. Last night I went out into the cold front hall to say goodnight to LM, she followed me, I didn't know it, and she got trapped there all night as I came back into the house without noticing her presence....At 6am I heard the plaintive screaming. Really unhappy little friend. Ah, the life of a cat is not always easy. She has been curled up in her comfiest spots today. I am sure it feels good after 7 hours on a cold tile floor!

LM is in New Jersey tonight. He will be there until Saturday and it is a weird feeling to be apart. We both were feeling sad about being so far away over out favorite holiday but way before we began dating, LM made a promise to be in NJ for Thanksgiving, and he is a man of his word. I almost feel a bit disoriented without him but, at the same time, I have a deep feeling of contentment and of being loved. He never leaves me wondering about how much our love means to him.
My mouth is continuing to heal but eating is out of the question. Talking becomes easier each day and I know things will improve when the stitches are removed late next week. I will miss out on Thanksgiving dinner but I will still enjoy the company of my Dad, my brother, his wife and son. We will all eat at the assisted living residence of Dad. So many wonderful things to give thanks for!!

I am not being very productive with my knitting or beading these days but life and love are just in the way. I am sure I will settle back in. Too much fun to pass up right now. Those pasttimes sustained me in all the years alone.

Today is my daughter, Sara's birthday....43! She and the baby have been sick this week and hopefully they are on the mend to be well for our big family gathering on Dec 1.

On the Other Side

Four days post surgery and I am amazed at how well things went. Lou was with me every step of the way and brought me home to his loving arms and held me as I slept off the anesthesia. The pain has been surprisingly minimal and the new teeth feel like they will settle in nicely once the incisions are healed. I cannot eat right now so am depending on liquids for sustenance. Hunger is a ferocious thing!! I was able to return to work today, and, although very tired, I was able to talk well enough to do my job and be around all my dear friends.
It will be tough to by-pass all the wonderful tastes of Thanksgiving but there are other times. The holidays are bringing on some sadness......for Lou his first year without Lillian, for Dad the anniversary of Mum's birthday and passing.
Time to sleep and reflect on the gratitude I have for Lou's love which got me through the weekend, for granddaughter Samantha having her first two teeth and being such a sweet natured child, and for having Dad with us to celebrate another year.