They say that change is good, I have often espoused such sentiment here, yet, it seems, I am called upon to be more and more adaptable and resilient these days. Each day there is a new crisis involving Kristi and her mother, the estate, etc, and yet, there really is no change as Ellen lingers, sadly in the nursing home. There is also the fact that LM's son, John, has taken a job on a sea clamming boat. Most certainly one of the most dangerous jobs there is to be had in our fishing community. LM uses more than the energy he has to keep things in some semblance of order, and there seems to be something different and difficult for him to deal with each day. Saturday night, after the sweet party interlude, we hugged each other in his driveway, before I left to come home, and said simultaneously to each other, "I want our life back".....he asked me not to give up on him, on our life, and I sobbed all the way home, and guiltily felt relieved that I could go home to be alone in quiet.
The next morning, I threw myself in to what has become my salvation, and finished up a quilt top, began a series of other projects, and really enjoyed a day with no noise and some meditation. Yesterday morning, I set off to begin a new day of work, feeling somewhat collected. As soon as I walked in to the office, I was asked to step into the CEO's office. When the door was closed behind me I knew there was change afoot. He announced that the fairly new (8 months) firm administrator - the executive assistant to the president and himself, the CEO, had been let go, big gulp, and "oh yes, I will pick up the slack until the new person arrives next week, and I will train the new person, AND tend to my job and the needs of the clients & the Design Principal, YET AGAIN. Change. Somehow, I did feel energized by it all. Of course, I sensed the person was not right for the job, but I kept hoping, asking if I could help her, etc. Fortunately the principals are very respectful of me, as is all the staff, and I will receive a lot of support with this transition, but.........CHANGE. What is the message? It kept me awake last night....not from fear, I don't know why. Most of the waking hours, I tried to focus on the fact that I am up for the adjustment, and so happy to have such a great job that I love going to each day.
Onward and upward......grabbing on to my sanity, it is time to get dressed, and return to another day of work. So nice I have the laughter of Samantha and Teddy still rining in my ears and heart.
Love to all.