Ah, my dear and loyal readers, I am breaking the rules by starting off here with an apology for my silence here. I miss writing, and I miss my friends, but my enthusiasm is lost in my health challenges and responsibilities. Completely changing my life by retiring and moving, is taking me down some roads I never thought I'd travel. Being quite responsible for 6 year old Teddy on a daily basis is an amazing privilege, but one that my body is not quite up to these days. I never gave a second's thought to the fact that GRIEF would begin to consume me. It was only today that I was able to define why I was crying, feeling very lonely, and experiencing severe exhaustion, when I am living in such a lovely place surrounded by loving family, and fairly free to do whatever I like each day, that I fully realized that I am suffering loss in many forms. Add in the fact that dangerously high blood pressure, ulcers, and pain so piercing that I am nauseous, and the result is not a happy place. Changing meds to try to control this issues is mind boggling. The rush is on to fix things or my knee replacement surgery may be canceled in February. That is just about unthinkable to me right now. I can only walk a few steps before staggering down or falling and the surgery has been a source of great hope.
Grief and loss is a natural part of life when one has left work and a wonderful group of co-workers with whom one shared such camaraderie. I've taken steps to increase my energy and centeredness. A personal trainer is putting me through some tough paces and I am talking with a counselor. This too shall pass.
I'd been fighting the grief symptoms when I needed to go with them and embrace it as a natural life event. We shall see how long I can keep my perspective.
Otherwise, we had a fun birthday party for Teddy last week, and are now looking forward to having a simple Christmas celebration centered around the children.
Sending you all wishes for celebrations of your own choice to be filled with light, love, peace and joy.
5 comments:
So sorry to hear you are having such challenges and much energy zapping. Thoughts are with you :)
May your journey ease.
XO
WWW
Oh Marcia--can I ever relate to this!!! When I lost my job, I was practically incapacitated for 18 months! Then, when I had to move down here and leave, what I thought was a good life for 12 years, I went through it again. The physical pain alone can do in a person's mental health. SO glad you are getting counseling!!! It will get better, but yes--you are going through grief for sure!
You share much of what I have in the past. Now love my solitude
and trying to accept health issues
but understand all you share.
Like WWW commented
may your journey onward ease.
You share much of what I have in the past. Now love my solitude
and trying to accept health issues
but understand all you share.
Like WWW commented
may your journey onward ease.
I was glad to read you have a support team in place and hope you are feeling some relief. I, too, have been thinking of you and wish you all the best of this season as the days get longer and a new year is on its way~
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