My very own beast visited me Friday night, all night, keeping me awake, planting and projecting in my exhausted head. The weedy scenarios were so painful, as to choke me. I paced, I struggled with cramps in my legs and feet, and my attempts at meditation were fraught with road blocks. The morning ahead was to be an early one, as my car was packed tightly with belongings to go to my new home. The beast was undone when I donned my "cape of bravery" and began to fly over all the fear. I just went forward as though the day would be full of beauty and it was!! No heavy traffic to delay my drive, Jason, Alison and Teddy were there to quickly unload my car and bring things up to my new rooms. Alison had painted my bedroom walls with beautiful Benjamin Moore "Constellation" paint and I loved it so much my eyes filled up. My sitting room was really crammed with things previously moved and we made short work of moving some to their storage area, and then I was able to move all my boxes of quilting fabric, knitting, and beading supplies in to a small closet. All of a sudden order seemed to return and I could feel the last of the beast leave my soul. I may meet up with him again, but I know enough to put on my cape and fly away. Amidst all the work we did, were delightful little conversations with Teddy. He is such a joy. These days he is obsessed with the Audubon Eastern bird book ( a gift I gave to his father many years ago). He brought me the book to show me his current favorite, the downy woodpecker, and we had a great conversation about my favorite, the flicker. Alison and I chatted about various ways to deal with the schedule once I move in, and how I can help out with Teddy. Shortly, I was on my way to spend the rest of the weekend with my beloved LM. We washed and hung out sheets to dry, and then took a walk in a lovely conservation area....yes, bad knee and all, I put on my cape again and we were off. My cane was very helpful, too, and it felt so good to get my heart rate up. We shared some blissful moments, standing still in the deep woods, listening to the wind in the trees and tracking some elusive birds. HEALING.....I was able to take off my "cape" for awhile and just be me - one with nature and my love - Beauty all around.
This morning launches my very last week of working. It seems a surreal place and I want to make the most of my time left with individual work friends who have made each day wonderful in so many ways.
The reality of retiring and changing my living situation so drastically in less than 10 days is still sinking in, but still feeling right. It seems the only safe way to navigate these waters is to stay carefully in the moment, as I have mentioned before. If I veer, the beast arises and tries to direct me off course to the shoals. I will keep you posted.
Remaining ever grateful for all the support and encouragement as I pass through these waters.
Love and peace to all!
PS. I have a new little camera and will get some pictures soon of my new room and other surroundings. Gave my old camera to LM as he dropped his in the water to its death!