The Beast and the Beauty

My very own beast visited me Friday night, all night, keeping me awake, planting and projecting in my exhausted head.  The weedy scenarios were so painful, as to choke me. I paced, I struggled with cramps in my legs and feet, and my attempts at meditation were fraught with road blocks.  The morning ahead was to be an early one, as my car was packed tightly with belongings to go to my new home. The beast was undone when I donned my "cape of bravery" and began to fly over all the fear.  I just went forward as though the day would be full of beauty and it was!!  No heavy traffic to delay my drive, Jason, Alison and Teddy were there to quickly unload my car and bring things up to my new rooms.  Alison had painted my bedroom walls with beautiful Benjamin Moore "Constellation" paint and I loved it so much my eyes filled up. My sitting room was really crammed with things previously moved and we made short work of moving some to their storage area, and then I was able to move all my boxes of quilting fabric, knitting, and beading supplies in to a small closet.  All of a sudden order seemed to return and I could feel the last of the beast leave my soul.  I may meet up with him again, but I know enough to put on my cape and fly away.  Amidst all the work we did, were delightful little conversations with Teddy. He is such a joy. These days he is obsessed with the Audubon Eastern bird book ( a gift I gave to his father many years ago). He brought me the book to show me his current favorite, the downy woodpecker, and we had a great conversation about my favorite, the flicker.  Alison and I chatted about various ways to deal with the schedule once I move in, and how I can help out with Teddy. Shortly, I was on my way to spend the rest of the weekend with my beloved LM. We washed and hung out sheets to dry, and then took a walk in a lovely conservation area....yes, bad knee and all, I put on my cape again and we were off. My cane was very helpful, too, and it felt so good to get my heart rate up. We shared some blissful moments, standing still in the deep woods, listening to the wind in the trees and tracking some elusive birds.  HEALING.....I was able to take off my "cape" for awhile and just be me - one with nature and my love - Beauty all around.
This morning launches my very last week of working. It seems a surreal place and I want to make the most of my time left  with individual work friends who have made each day wonderful in so many ways.
The reality of retiring and changing my living situation so drastically in less than 10 days is still sinking in, but still feeling right. It seems the only safe way to navigate these waters is to stay carefully in the moment, as I have mentioned before. If I veer, the beast arises and tries to direct me off course to the shoals. I will keep you posted.

Remaining ever grateful for all the support and encouragement as I pass through these waters.
Love and peace to all!

PS. I have a new little camera and will get some pictures soon of my new room and other surroundings. Gave my old camera to LM as he dropped his in the water to its death!

Good-Byes and Good Buys

Six days and counting until retirement!! As the days pass, they become more and more filled with good-byes, love, and tears.  It remains a happy time, with promise and new frontiers to be explored. My job has brought a lot of fulfillment, friendship, and fun for 10.5 years, and I'm thinking the future will bring me much more of the same, as I climb up and over the little bit of fear that comes along with moving to a new place. If allowed, my mind goes to what will be, and I am trying to stay in each day and allow surprise at all the little miracles that come from being present in what is. There is shakiness at times, and sleep can be evasive, reading and trying to solve questions that arise from doubt seem to get me back on track.

Meanwhile, there are parties to attend, gathering with friends, and individual celebrations beginning to fill my calendar. So nice that this all comes amidst the beauty that is Cape Cod in July.  On Saturday, I will go to my new town and make arrangements for my new Post Office box, and to deliver some good-buys to my new home.  I found a great new ceiling fan and a beautiful bookcase (pale seafoam blue/green) for my new bedroom, and I will also be dropping off my new bed pillows. Finding some I like is a cause celebre in itself!

Speaking of my new bookcase, it is not large for a very good reason. I adore books and paring down my collections has been a major part of my move.   Among my favorites, and the keepers that will adorn my new bookcase, are many books on the natural world and history of Cape Cod, with many first editions written by friends. Also on the new shelves will be a small part of my vast collection of cat books...of course, I have a collection of cat books....my favorite creatures. Last but not least my Mary Oliver poetry books....food for my soul.

From my changing world, I wish you much peace, beautiful summer days and love.

Happy Thursday....I am here amidst retiring, moving, coping with a cold and allergies, and all the emotions that accompany this time.....so many good-byes each day!

A trip to my new home to drop off a car filled with part of my life....one more step in the process, made so sweet by a very warm Teddy welcome, makes me know I have chosen the right path.

Beauty is everywhere right now:

Super Moon

Back soon when there is more time to write.

Love and peace!!

*TBT

With my beloved Nana.......1944......Margaret Ethel Morse

She taught me to sew, cook, iron, appreciate the arts, the beauty of nature, and to stay calm through any storm.  Nana's was a genteel life - garden parties, card parties and dressing up, yet she dealt daily with the realities of farm life, and enduring no matter what. She made the best pot roast in the world in her cast iron dutch oven, and she entertained me for countless hours with complicated card games.  She sang, Home, Home on the Range with my friends, and she LOVED Johnny Cash.She was the loving "other" parent to go to when our house with 7 children next door, became a bit much for my mother.

We took countless trips to Boston to visit the beautiful department stores, museums, see plays, have sundaes at Bailey's, visit the Public Gardens, ride the swan boats, and made delicious picnics for out annual trips to Provincetown.

Nana fed the multitudes of feral cats that lived on our farm, and she instilled my soul with family history and her beautiful memories of growing up over her father's hardware store in Philadelphia.

She encouraged me to always put my best foot forward and look my best each day. She let me take naps in her beautiful bedroom with the flowered wallpaper, windows open with the scent of roses and towering privet hedge drifting through my dreams. There I felt so safe and loved, always.

Thank you, Nana, I loved you beyond belief and that love grows each day. Now, I am Nana to many, and will be having the chance to pass on what you gave me, to my beloved Teddy, as I move to "his" house very soon. May I be a fraction of what you were and are to me!! 

*Throwback Thursday

Post Arthur

Arthur paid us a visit for a little under a day. He arrived following many days of heavy, dark, oppressive air and soggy nights. I had decided not to install my AC unit because I am moving so soon...last week proved that to be a not so smart decision. Nonetheless, I survived to enjoy the glorious cool, clear, breezy weather left behind by Arthur.
The storm did take down a very old and beautiful tree near my house, and with it came two phone poles and part of another tree.  When I woke the morning after the storm, there was no power and it was out for a day while many different utility companies were filling the street and making the repairs. That all made for extremely heavy traffic as we are in peak season with visitors to our beautiful town.

A happy reunion took place on Saturday at Jason and Alison's house and I was together with 3 of my grandchildren for the first time in many years. It was a day of many emotions, much joy, and regrets that time did not allow individual private visits with these wonderful grandchildren.

Evening found us back at LM's and the Golden Hour came just as we set out to visit the beach for sunset and a bit of fishing.  My new header was taken under a lovely tree in LM's front garden along the street. The light was just perfect and as I stood there enveloped in the glow, healing began to fill my soul.  Nature is always the answer, but its nourishment doesn't stay by me long these days, making constant replenishment an exhausting process. I'm tired, somewhat sad, and my energy and endurance are at an all-time low...The move will be on August 10. Meanwhile I am still working full-time, battling killer allergies, and other health challenges. Honesty is where it is right now with this life change, and somedays it isn't pretty.  I am struggling right now with going to work as I was up most of the night with sneezing, headache and nosebleeds.

One foot in front of the other, I am seeking out healing beauty....the first glow of sunshine is coming through the trees in its golden cloak, and a flicker is banging on the house...as loud as he is, I welcome his presence as an alarm clock and a beautiful creation.

As I sit here finishing my morning iced tea with lemon, I wish you all a wonderful summer day.

Hope you all had a lovely fourth celebration!

Love and peace!