The past month has brought a lot of change; with that has come growth, grief and gratitude.
The farm and house where I grew up has been sold. The day the legal work was processed was really hard and there was a lot of comforting to do with siblings who are far away and with my Dad for whom this is a major passage in life. He cried and kept saying, "Mum should have lived to share in this, she should have been part of the decision". Once again, after nearly 5 years, he was grieving her loss along with that of the land where they began their marriage and where she died, where all of us very fortunate children grew and were loved like no others. We are all starting to recover and are comforted by the fact that the land will be developed into a beautiful new street and it will be called Morse Farm Estates. The street will be Barred Rock Lane (after the type of chickens my Dad raised).
The farm and house where I grew up has been sold. The day the legal work was processed was really hard and there was a lot of comforting to do with siblings who are far away and with my Dad for whom this is a major passage in life. He cried and kept saying, "Mum should have lived to share in this, she should have been part of the decision". Once again, after nearly 5 years, he was grieving her loss along with that of the land where they began their marriage and where she died, where all of us very fortunate children grew and were loved like no others. We are all starting to recover and are comforted by the fact that the land will be developed into a beautiful new street and it will be called Morse Farm Estates. The street will be Barred Rock Lane (after the type of chickens my Dad raised).
More grief came in the form of death...a very beloved co-worker died on July 23. The entire company is still in mourning, as well as all of our clients. There were several well-attended memorial services and the entire town extended their arms to his widow and son. I had to do most of the phone calls to clients and others who truly loved "our Bobby" and it was new tears each time. People are still coming in to the office on business and are bowled over by the news, many reduced to tears and I must relate the story of his quick passing again. Gratitude comes from this tragic loss to make me cherish each day, to be true to myself, to love and do whatever I can for those around me.
Growth came in the form of realizing that my current relationship, barely 7 months old, was just not working. I was feeling very annoyed and guilty all the time. it seemed I could never give enough, never fill the needs of this person. I feel it was growth on my part to let him be free to seek a partner who can give him what he wants. He was good to me in many ways and I wish him all the happiness in the world. There are those around me who say....do not get involved with anyone ever again, but my spirit will not allow that. It has been a few weeks and my heart feels light again. There was tremendous stress trying to be someone I wasn't, someone that someone else wanted me to be.
I have decided that it is best to let love come to me this time, not to actively search as I have in the past, trying to be a chameleon for someone. A very special friend of 15 years may just be that person....MMMMMMMM! A bolt out of the blue 5 days ago.
I am grateful for my bouyant spirit, the love around me and all the beauty in which I live. Had a great visit with my dear SIL from Baltimore and we had an awesome time at an Arlo Guthrie/Richie Havens concert. Life is good.
